Friday, 30 November 2012

Play the ball as it lies

It is really starting to get to me that my face is looking increasingly old.That I am old, that there are no pics of me dressed young.  Lets do a thought experiment.  Say it had allways been there and I knew it, so we are saying middle 1970's a young teenager what sort of life would it have been? Probably not very good, at best very frustrating but at worst, best not to think about.  OK on the plus side there was a lot of living away from home and by myself. which would have been good for Sapphire. So many problems there would have been.  No Internet, wow big one that, going out dressed, no way, no Lacies, no MAC, no Angels, no Boudoir, no DIGITAL CAMERAS.  Moving on, when would it have been "safe" to "break out?" OK lets say 2000 ish. So really only lost a few years.  Of course all of the above is nonsense, if you have to do it you do it, its not really a choice. It still burns and probably allways will.  An extra 5 -7 years, could have been some good stuff there.  In 5 years the face will look older.  Not good. The picture shows Brighton station from 1984.  I thought I remembered the mechanical board but seeing this pic confirmed it.  There may be some interesting aspects regarding memory here but suppose I had a blinding tranny transformation then how would things have been different, better, worse? 

Friday, 23 November 2012

Breath in, breathe out, nearly finished.

Lets try something new a post where I do not know where its going.  I have mentioned piercings before in this blog and I have rather a lot of them.  It strated with a navel piercing for very girly reasons then nipples, lots of good psychological stuff there.  Then a pubic one, ok actually a microdermal, 2 more microdermals. A guiche, that rejected so another one.  Then a lorum , that went fine and so the scrotal ladder.  Ending, probably, with the prince Albert piercing.  The nipples have been stretched to 5 mm. The right one rejected and so repierced.  Nearlt forgot, 2 more in navel.  Then there is the 2 lobes.  Here we go, what does this say about my body image?  The navel was girly, the lobes pure girl for ear rings and also a sign of confidence.  The nipples are interesting and probably hark back to the old dream of 2 girls sucking my nipples when I was in my early 20's.  Possibly the scrotal and PA piercings are some attempt to modify and change poaaibly in some way obliterate the usual function of these organs.  The tattoo was yin/yan of my trans status. Perhaps once you exercise, lose weight and generally attempt to modify the body and body image then you see the body in a different, more plastic way.  Mind you, I am in a perverse way, happy with my body in that it is toned and thin and not gone to seed.  That takes work and effort and diet, especially as you get older. Knees are a bit of a pain though.  What about the hormones you shout?  Well is that body modification or realignment?  If I was happy to show pierced ears how much breast development, if it happens, would I be happy with? Will there be more piercings?  Well at least one as 1 scrotal ladder rejected.  Ideally Punktured in Brighton would do it.  Sense of circle there.  Getting transitioned at the Nuffield outside Brighton, a penetration too far, at the moment.

Saturday, 17 November 2012

Cowboys and Indians

The above picture shows my flat shoes lower centre at Hove museum. The pic has had levels very altered to show the cowboys, indians, space aliens, britishy soldiers therein. This is one of those "historically important" places I suppose we all have.  For reasons not totally understood I tend to come close to tears here and visit it on the last day of my holidays before going home.  I have been there twice dressed, the last time in summer 2012 where I did the big one.  Had you said 2 years before this would be possible, bus, out for several days, I would have loved to believe it but dubious.  So you can see there has been a lot of progress in 5 years.  Yet how many times have I been out dressed and how many chances have I had in the last 5 years?  Lets assume 3 holidays a year, 1 at 11 days, well its not enough but how much further will I be allowed to progress?
Lets do a quick "thought experiment"`Suppose a rich but unknown relative dies and leaves me a flat in Brighton, Embassy Court  possibly.  I have enough to live on but not regally and my job changes so I can work at home or when dressed.  How much more would I progress, would transition even be an option. Next scenario.  I get a flat to myself here or Kim goes to university and I get more time.  Well much more dressing but not going out.  Not so much progression.  So coming to the crux of the matter; how much do I want and how much am I prepared to change and/or sacrifice?  How far down the line am I? 

Friday, 9 November 2012

Noodling around.

Not quite sure where I an going with this post but lets see.  20 plus days into hormones and where are we?  Libido certainly lower, result, harder to get hard or want to.  Arguably need to pee more but that could be the weather.  Possibly, being realistic, its far too early to expect anything. 
Had a panic about breast cancer and hormones.  Seems this was not a real concern but really should get a baseline taken.  LFT's and full blood count would cost say £100 private.  Been on the web searching.  Would not do any harm cutting down on the drink either.  Ordered another 2 months supply.  The hormones seem cheap, the testing expensive.  Cilla T Bang called 2 mg of estrofem, not a lot.  The TV Chix doctor slightly disagreed.
Thinking about a PVC catsuit Xmas coming up.  Be reasonable to get some time to wear it.  Hoping for a visit to Alison's in February.  By december will know if pics and article accepted.  Gone slightly off the boil on this one.  Still if published good for me and Alison, slightly in her case.

Sunday, 4 November 2012

Welcome to the Village No 6.

First pass at Manchester, how was it for you?  Well there is a sense of quiet success.  OK the cold put a dampner on things. The Village is a long road really when on friday went there did not see any other T girls and left which was a shame.  Wednesday was much better. Nice to get the sound of your stilletto heels on the pavement, stilletto buzz indeed. Met several tgirls, saw quite a few more.  Went to several places, chatted well, met S. whose Flickr stream I liked and who liked mine.  Talked about navel piercings.  Walked around in heels, was see by lots of people. "are you a boy" "shh, Charlotte"  Absolute result.  Even the friday night brief excursion got a bottle of Rose at Spar, no problems.  Amusing incident with French family in lift.  Spent all wednesday dressed walking around Manchester.  One possibly two negative comments.  Decided against doing Liverpool dressed.  Packed train, it rained, probably a correct result but even so.  Bought some nice things for Sapphire.  So yes it was a definite success, first time out in new city.  Good to have done the Village.  Would do it again but would defintely try to get people sorted first Possibly the Manchester Concord may be the way to go.Is it a place to consider again, yes it is.  April next year possibly.