California Dreaming

In 4 weeks I shall be nearly ready for Sapphire does Brighton. 10 days of potential and possibility.  Yes, I will be on holiday and Sapphire will be out in daylight.  As ever, anticipation is better than reality but there are certain things it is fair to expect.  Definitely drinking dressed in Legends bar, at least a couple of days out as Sapphire (though hopefully several more), visit to ALison Dale's; all good stuff.  Turning to the probables; meeting Stella, evening at Kims or Kats, makeover at MAC's. Now the possiblies but less likely; meeting Rebecca, evening out dressed, clubbing as Sapphire.  Then there are the unexpected things that you hope might just happen.  Last Brighton was a prime example of this but have to put one'self in the right place first.  Hope it all goes well.  Not sure about wednesday in London, depends but possible I suppose.  Getting a bit excited now!  Part of the problem is that have moved on so far so expect more and hope for more.  Possibly even Clare Project though that is much more unlikely.  Of course it could all be a fiasco but do so hope not.

Sorry girl, you are stuck with it!

Still not sure where I am.  definately like  a litchen I have Sapphire intercalated into me which does say I do not want to transition. As if that was an option.  Anyway did a photoshoot and at the end, when the best pics happen anyway, got a couple of pics of me bit sweaty, bit tired, makeup tired and the strain of doing a shoot showing.  Its not a good pic but perhaps like some Victorian spirit pic it has captured something feminine. Ignore the lines and wrinkles there is something there.  Was in a meeting and my mannerisms were gentle, not necesseraly girly, but felt thats me, not some macho male.  of course do not have the option Sapphire is there in me, is me 24/7 to use a horrible phrase.  Not sure would have said that at the beginning of the blog!

Watch On The Rhine

Not sure where we are. Been several opportunities to dress and take pics and have not taken then.  Its as if Paige has no point to make, she is saying nope have this one I have nothing to prove anymore.. Some times I feel at square one and I will see a girl and it all flairs up and other times I post my opinion like a veteran.  Basically i feel the battles are over and its a mopping up operation.  Yes there will be casualities and it will take time but the war is won.  Can that be true?  Possibily the consueling has done its job, is it really autumn 1944, crossed the Channel, broke out of the beaches, on forward.  Perhaps we are in a sense, without being flip or denying the absolute sacrificies made by real people,  waiting for some operation market garden or, more hopefully, operation varsity waiting to cross the Rhine.  Is Paige here to stay and allways has been?  Scary stuff.  Thgought about going to Jodies rather than Alison's for an image consultant, WHAT TO WEAR WHEN OUT.  Not for Flickr or whatever but for the working week.

Not ON The Bench

In the Paige mythology as said to several people and may even be true I had a detached retina and spent a weekend in hospital.  Whilst there on my Sony Walkman I listened to this track by Joe Jackson Go For IT  .  Busy at the time worrying about the flapping retina in my opitical field but prefer to believe it was partly responsible for Paige visiting Lacies and the rest is history.  We all rewrite history or else we go mad but anyway the point is I may not be hitting the back of the net but I an at least turning up at the ground.  Actually the link is to some group doing a bad version of the song.  The backing singer is off and the brass is bad BUT they have tried.  They have made the effort.  Like me, but not literally, I have put on the slap, the wig and clothes and put my head above the parapet and GONE FOR IT.  That makes then  all right by me.  Perhaps its like football, you support the team but they may be rubbish but they are playing the game, they play football, they are footballers.  I may not be female but I am putting the kit on and playing the game.  I may lose but that is not the point, I am getting a kick of the ball

Pass or fail

There does after all appear to be some sort of Flickr quality control at work.  I finally uploaded some pics from my last Imageworks appointment, very pleased with them I was too. Got a lot of nice responses and views so clearly doing something right! There is a sense that I have been slightly slipping in some of the pics I posted.  Stopped the 2 times a week posting rota and probably not posting as much. 

On another site a couple of my contacts have "retired" allways a sad thing to see I suppose but no doubt they have their reasons.  Do wonder whether I have outgrown that site and getting disenchanted with Flickr OK probably because not getting enough nice comments. 

I do not do walking away!

Back in the early 80's I used to be interested in modern military history.  Two books come to mind.  One showed photos from the Falklands war,  servicemen were dirty, unshaven and looked as if they had slept rough and had a bad breakfast to misquote Oliver Rendall Holmes.  The second book was the American Invasion of Grenada with images of cleanshaven, clean servicemen.  OK this may have been false and insulting to those whose were there but bear with me.  You get dressed in your room, put makeup on and take a pic.  If lucky you get a few hours perhaps even overnight, absolutely fantastic.  Then again you get up, dress, makeup and go out, exposed to the elements and "do it for real."  Those shoes ache, the wig needs a lot of work, the makeup runs.  Then there is the practical aspects; where to carry money, what watch to wear, what type of bag.  This ignores such topics as talking to people, using female toilets etc.   It is fine and for most of the time the best you will get to do the few snatched hours but if you want to "do it for real" and there is no requirement to do so it all gets much more difficult. There is no choice for me, if the "door is open" I need to step through it even if you end up with blisters which take over 4 weeks to heal.

You keep on knocking...

Started to think about holiday 2012.  Booking room at legends.  It will be in August.  Lots of stuff here.  Holiday now means Paige time, Brighton means out dressed.  It also means 4 plus months away, gulp.  Only other windows of opportunity would have been April holidays or late may/june.  Went for february holiday, complete result so cannot complain but far away in time. Wondering about Sparkle, possible weekend.  Its money car will be nasty, then holiday in August will be expensive.  No way going back to University of Brighton.
Been looking at old pics, 2004 Paige, as then unnamed, was trying to get out.  Ignoring it , denial.  Stupid, stupid me.  Could have had 4 years headstart.