Stick or twist?

There is a motivational poster which goes on about "inches" meaning you have to fight for every inch and they add up.  Its Al Pacino in some ice hockey game.  It had a fad about 5 years ago when we had a temporary head who was not very good for us but was for his bank account no doubt.  The T girl experience is all like that.  Snatching chances to dress, buy clothes, go out.  Sometimes, however, it is better to say "nope, too tired, stop now."  Of course the trick is to know when to keep going and when to stop.  So today, rock solid chance to dress, all day, pics possible vid. Given a whole day I slow down and take it easy. Sadly it was a complete mess.  Utter , absolute mess.  Could not find breast forms, how, could not find heels, how, battle finding stockings, the straps on the corset would not close with the stockings on.  It all adds up.  The 10 second delay does lead to a leack of sponteanty, a certain rictus smile develops on the pics.  It took 20 mins to put up the background, the camera had trouble focussing.  One Tdressing service will only do upto 2 hour sessions saying you look tired and sweat and cannot give your best. So it was. The pics, out of 250 plus will only get say 5-10 ones to post.  Half way through felt like stopping but kept going, feeling something good could happen. It did not, but it has in the past.
So what can be taken away from today to prevent a future bad experience?  Well an awful lot of Sapphire is in black bags, ideally get stuff ready before hand, that would help.  The red lipstick does not work, stop trying to get it to work, now dear.  The a58 is a dog, once could slap down the flash, add an intervalometer and off. Granted focussing was a dog.  Now need a laptop to control the camera. To an extent the bar has been raised. Once a lot of the pics today could have been acceptable, no longer.  The makeup went on well, the slanted brush for the eyeliner was particularly effective.  The body still looks not too bad.  Not sure when next time will be.  Must be great to have your own place, perhaps a separate room for clothes and an area for pics.
Having said that have moved on. The indoor pics have a certain "been there, done that" sense to them.  Did not see that one coming, lets see.

California Dreaming

Last weeks news on the jobs front rather distracted from thoughts over the Summer 2014. Had a dressing dream last night which was interesting.  Off the estrofem for 2 days, lets see what happens. On sunday should get a good long chance to dress and do pics, possibly a vid.  Now a problem appears, there are few new things to wear. Possibly the nightdresses from Liverpool, and some other things forgotten about but nothing which really screams "wear me."  Not strictly true, the Axford new corset would be nice but suspect still need to lose a bit of weight for that.  The pink pseudocorset possibly and the purple one, hmm something definitely there, boots possibly. Even so need more things.  There is the still over riding question of where to store stuff.
La Senza has gone into administration for the second time, which is a shame. Ann Summers with a bit of class and style I always thought. 
Still periously close to 12 st.  The 2 sessions of pilates has helped a bit but eating like a horse, not good. Will do the MetroCentre and Newcastle on saturday, not a lot of maoney to spend but will try to find something. Ideally shave the legs too.
Be good to do some pics, even dress will be good. Looked at some earlier pics with kryolan seemed to hide the imperfections shall we say better.

Moments from Brighton 2014

Its sunday night now, I am in the extension, its raining, have had 2 glasses of white wine, big ones,  and a small bottle of beer.  Back over 24 hours so lets have an initial think about it all.  The old build had a sign saying you forget 70% of a lesson within 24 hours so lets try to get it down and preserve it for the cold winter months. Away from thursday to saturady, dressed thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday and friday. Wow. Granted did not go to Sussex University dressed but did later that day. Brighton Pride can be safely ignored, did not try for Clare Project.
The Emporium with its Flat whites really worked,  Taylor st with its Anzac biscuit as well, Red Roaster with a caffetaire of monsoon malabar. The small place in Hove. Lots of walking around which was a pain. Legends 2 or 3 times, relative sucess there.  The Swan Falmer, absolute success, G and T please.  The Signalman, twice, only once dressed.  Not the big bang. But again nice.  Cider in Lansdown in lewes.  MAC was OK, nice woman in the queue.  The Wick, again nice enough, G and T.
Sainsburys, Aldi, The Coop, nothing there, still got the nice chill feeling on my legs.
Old dear in St Barthelomews, " well thats a myth".
Mochas and flapjacks at SU English cafe.
Three cans of mixed drinks from M and S.  Salads and pork pies from Morrisons.
Walking up and down St James' s street.
Chatting briefly to guy in Southover hardens.
The evenings seem to work but nothing really stands out so far.
Always searching for something in the bag.  Shopped in Waitrose, Hove and Lewes.
Big Finish "its£1". It says £5 on the back.
Out of 7 days of full dressing.  Going back to room for a shower and nap at 4ish.
Curious spent 5 days at Brighton University but cannot remember so much about them.
The big one is the walk en femme.  From curious planes, taking bikini pics, walking wearing the sports bra,  the heat, getting into Southease church, absolute result.
The last night run around the campus and to Stanmer. Looking into what was probably my room 1982-83. The run from room to end of undercliffe walk.the run from room to Blind Veterans, overtaking the guy going by over cliffe route.
The Punktured bellybutton.

Well that was summer 2014

It is friday night. Tomorrow i strap on the 100 litre rucksack and go back home.  Interestingly I feel surprisingly calm and content, why? Not sure, the bugout has been very easy so far, not sure why but thats a good thing.  Tonight after doing Brighton for yhe last time this holiday, stripy top, long length legggings, came back and ran to Stanmer park, to the church and then around the campus.  4 plus miles. Was vagualy en femme at the time, running with silicones not something I will repeat. Had shower etc and then had over heated. Dry fish and chips and an Americano, £6.50 to you guv.  Oh dear. Working my way through a bottle of brut sparkling wine.  Just aquick one this but feel good about things Trans as it all pretty well worked.  True no intimacy or even talking to another trans person, not really sure how to change that .  Ok clare Project possibly but this needs work.  The ideal situation is that a fix say 3 times a year is enough. There is a sense that the walk en femme crystallised out something. Also being an older woman, moving away from the ideal of a pretty girl to a older woman, still not my actual age but even so. Still processing a lot of stuff so lets see what comes out in a couple of weeks.  Have to say there is a different vibe to Sussex University rather than Brighton University. If SU do rooms next summer then will consider it more seriously.

Recoverd fragment 1

Well here we are.  One full day of  En femme.  Well not quite.   The main thing is the time taken to get ready for the off.  At leAst half an hour.  So today I returned and after a sleep at 6.45 pm if I had wanted to go out it would take time.  Well at least so long I did not want to do it. The point there is that if I was to go fulltime or even trAnsitin would that be expected all the time.  Possibly with experience could get the time down. So the question becomes would I want that? So the idea of transitioning is rather fun but probably  would require a lot oc change.  Wearing a wig is a battle, will try different wig tomorrow.  Also doing it in Brighton is a much more benign envitonment so any slipups will be forgiven.

View from a hill

An awful lot went wrong today, not in  a massive scale but could have done without it. However at 7.30 this evening I was sitting on a w all at the level, dressed, and having a not very successful rollup.    I had walked through Brighton Pride 2014, £5 wasted on one level butt hen again well worth seeing and perhaps I stood up to be counted in some way.  Young folk were playing with balls, getting drunk and generally being happy, there were dogs enjoying themselves, ample flesh was on display and girls dressed in a way I wish I could. In the distance was the spirw of the church which added a nice atmosphere to things.  I did get a sense of contentment and almost happiness, lets say peace. Which I had not had for quite some time.  Lets say 6 years ago I sat on the levels but not quite same wall and counted down the time to go back to my room and get ready for Transister.  That me would have been very pleasently surprised at what I have already done this week.  Walking back went  the hill a bit more, it was early evening, still warm, slightly fuzzy air, certainly felt very good.  Took a coupleof selfies , looked wrinkled around the eyes, older.  Not good but expected really.  Do so wish could have made the TransPride last week.
Lets go back further several years but still at University of Brighton accomodation, lets call it. Thought experiment.  If the same time travelling me could prevent the earlier me going to Lacies would the trans stuff have laid dormant?  Lets say it did would I have been happier? Actually the answer could be yes but confused.  So today out dressed felt slightly tired and bored BUT these are normal reactions to being in a normal condition.  There it is.  If I could sort out the shoes and the time taken to do makeup and the wig issue then , yes , Inwould go full time, if not try for transitionong.

9 hours to go.

It is 11.12 pm and it is all but done.  Been a battle but not too bad. Decided against the boots and not decided about cagoule yet.  Two bags of girl to one of boy.  I am very tired of the whole business, you have 100 litres go for it.  Pre Sapphire I could do it all in a other arms rucksack, say 60 litres.  Only 1 pair of heels and a pair of flats.  Shall see about the clothing, would prefer more but the bugout hlf way through is a pain which complicates matters.  Its a lot of work and still worried about the money aspect of it all.  Not overly concerned about Pride, need to do some research on that one.  Its a right mess really.  The time has come for the packing to stop, rest and move on to the next phase.  After all nobody ever died because of something trivial they didnot pack.  OK they probably did but you get my drift.