Ooops Numbers Do Matter

I have half heartedly started another diet. The love handles are a pain. If you maintain a deficit of 500  calories a day you will probably lose a pound a week. If you run for an hour you burn up 850 calories. So far so good. So 2 days a week I do just that. Before my run I may have a small cchocolate bar, 120 cal say and after the run a protein drink which, I have just discovered, is a wopping 750 cal. This efecrively wipes out the run, though there are other benefits to the run. So the sad fact is the 1 hour runs are potentially conterproductive from a weight loss point of view. A bit of a shock I must say and a rethink is required.

Not too shabby after all.

Well its 10 pm and I did actually manage to do a photoshoot.  The original plan was to start a lot earlier but inertia and something else, not sure what got in the way. Up at 8 and expected to be in front of the camera by 12.  Nope, it did not happen, actually had a bath at 12 ish.  Shaved most of my body which took a surprisingly long time but finally got going by 1 ish. Makeup went on OK and all in all went wellish. Felt quite disappointed when had to stop. looking at the pics well, yes, the face does look old, no getting away from that but the body is OK, could be thinner but not too bad. Usual battle finding clothes etc and that does need changing. Two packs of batteries failed, amazingly, fresh out of the wrapper. Suppose I could have gone on and done more but needed to do the boring housekeeping stuff.  Do feel better about things. Need to sort out a place to put clothes etc.  Next time will try to plan ahead a bit more.  Nice to use the Axford's corset and She Said bra. The Ann Summers suspender belt worked well too.
Its March now, 4 weeks ago I was at Brighton and something failed or I thought it did. Lets call it the Mad Hatter Moment. Feel better about it now. Do need a new wig though. The worrying thought is it could be August before I go out dressed again.Thats 5 months, oh dear. Thats not good at all.

Getting Back On The Horse

On sunday I should totally, absolutely, definately, get all day to dress and take pics. What this probably means is a huried session but there we go.  To be honest there is very little new clothes or things to wear.   It could be a bit of a battle finding things.  Need to sort out AA batteries for the flash, charge up the camera battery, ideally find some outfits. The backwash of Brighton still lingers and there is a sense that in some way I might have lost a cwertain somethng, also the face is looking older I feel. I am slowly groping towards a new older girl paradigm but it is still painful to think I will never look young. May hit Newcastle on saturday and will see if there is anything that catches my eye there.

Some good, some bad

Its saturday night now, been back 3 days and so what to say? Well there is not a sense of failure or enbarassment but not of success either. Still not quite sure what happened on tuesday.  Possibly the combination of a cold, bad nights sleep, a bad wig and being out of practise did not help. The knees felt bad too. If I could have cancelled I would. That there was no bad incidents perhaps says a lot. OK the important question, what was not needed on the trip? Well the white scarf and the red gloves straight off. Coiple of the nighties were not needed too. One of the pairs of leggings, possibly a couple of bras, 1 of the wigs thats probably about it. I would have made sure the batteries for the camera were charged too. What you do get is the sense of potential at Brighton.  If I had the money and time there were things I could have done. Then there is the makeup, ideally that needs a bit of a rethink, spend more time practising. As ever the voice requires much work. It was disappointing the number of times got "sirred" need to move the balance of probablity to female a bit more. Be nice to sort out the piercings too. Get the nails sorted out as well, possibly stickons.  A kinono would have helped too. A new coat would help. The knees being off and concerns over the running may have put a dampner on things.  I keep returning to this one as I do needto improve.

Brighton Spring 2015

I am sitting on a bed in Brighton, leggings, top, breastforms, makeup. Tomorrow I go back home. So how was it, Brighton Spring 2015? If you had asked me yesterday I would have said great, earlier today i would have said somethings gone wrong somewhere and now, well not so bad but need to up the game a bit. Nothing as such went wrong, was out from 10.30 till after 4 and had a wow moment but something else also kicked in. Walking round M and S womens clothes felt out of place, the wig was a bit bedraggled, the makeup shiny and nor yp to it anymore. Even though for a moment it was all passing.  Still talked to a shop assistant and it went fine but when got back to room and had bath felt not good at all. Partly it os a sign of how far i have advanced that I felt less than chipper about today. I was hot and sweaty, kept coughing and not 100 %.  The left knee was playing up and I felt old. Its the knee business, hopefully it gets resolved and I can run again, the cold goes and i will feel better all round. The makeup skills are not good enough it seems, the wig has seen better days i do feel more positive about the new breastforms, they are good. Bit tired of the cagulle, that has seen better days and the boots looked good but are tight. There is the ongoing issue of the voice and looking older. As ever the negatives speak for themselves the positives do require saying too. I was not stared at or anything like that, people were polite and an awful lot worked, this all sounds very familiar. The fleecy leggings are lovely. I do feel Sapphire has been fed but she wants more, course she does. The moment in the Madhatter, the bra at She Said, there are 2 standout moments, more will appear later.
So to the summer, lets start on the voice it will help, a coat will not be required, I should be healthier, a new wig should be possible. I am not hoing to be too negative about this holiday but perhaps I have been a bit complacent about things. I should have somewhere to cook food or a refrectory, should be running too. Lots of girls do not even get what I have had in the last2 days so lets be positive. You rely on these holidays and put so much hope into them.

Ready For The Off

Well off tomorrow. The cold has kicked in so hoping that will be contained or else it could be bad. The packing is as bad as it ever is. Only 2 days but so  much stuff, why? Hope to get a coat, ideally a parka or trench coat, that would be good. The run seems unlikely. Do not really expect to see anyone down there. The boots and the leggings should be good, would like an insole for the flat shoes but they are ready to be replaced anyway.  Lets hope the knees are up to it. Just to be left alone in a room seems to be a nice thing at the moment. November went very well lets not forget that. 

Lets be real

i have never had a girl friend, incredibly enough. Possibly my possible Aspergers or Gender dysphoria but anywat no girl or woman has ever thought hmm lke to spend time with him. Until the dysphoria reahed her head there was a belief it was only a matter of time, some woman would find me attractive. And why not; kind considerate and caring when you see so many less good types out there, it was only a matter of time.  Then over time it withered and died. The last woman I would watch for signs that they were watching me for signs of atraction really died in 1996. After that it seemed to ebb away, not totally, I am still roughly heterosexual and in my dreams, such as they are, my future is with a female not a male. How ever my future is alone.