Hotel California

A Tgirl I have a lot of respect for has posted on Flickr that she has stopped and finished her dressing days. A lot of other girls, me included, have said best of luck for the future but one wrote"It aint over, I wish you the best of luck but..." The problem is I think she is actually correct and the girl cannot stop dressing. On another website a girl who has a lot of experience wrote that the only thing that was sure was once a  Tgirl allways a Tgirl.
Obviously we cannot know but deep down it feels as if the girl is just there now. I am not dressing much and the cold weather tends to put a dampner on it as well but I do not feel I could ever stop for good. Currently my arguement is that I was without the girl for so long and i never got romantically attached so its hardly likely to happen now which I am not sure is a good or a bad thing really. OK I do, its a bad thing.

Post Holiday Blues

The girl has started to ping again. Feel the need to dress, not a big surprise but after Summer 2017 it might have been nice if it had taken longer to resurface. During the holiday there was a day where Ididnot dress as they footfelt bad, it was a quick out of the door, no putting on makeup and clothes etc. If I were to go say fuller time I would have to factor in makeup as I could not go out without some makeup. The not doing laser sometimes begins to bite and it would have been good, certainly a close shave helps. Started epilating again and the smooth skin for longer certainly helps. I am probably 12 st going up and down a bit. Need to get back to losing weight mode, the running is kicking in and that will help. As will doing pilates again. Do not look too bad, lost at least half a stone, but more to go.
The next holiday is in  6 weeks time but may go sightly after duringterm time. Manchester or Leeds probably, not done Leeds but heard good things about it.
There was no real celebration of 10 years of the girl, nor any epiphany either, just moving on in a slow way. Lets blame the foot.Has to be said if still going after 10 yeasr then its here for good. There has been no major advance for a couple of years, partly due to the thyroid and home events but mainly due to the fact that all the easy stuff has been done. The hormone time was valuable but it was probably wise to stop when i did, granted hardly started but mentally it was quite strong.
During the holiay there was no real time to stop and consider where I am and how I had got there. OK there was but I didnot was too busy doing it I suppose. It is probably the case that there will not be significant change until significant change in my circumstances. There is a stronger chance than for 2 years that i can spend New Years Eve as the girl which would be good. Got a couple of links to ebay sites for a possible belly dancer burlesue costume which may come to fruitation.

Probably Better Than Expected

It is sunday afternoon and I am recovering from an optical migraine, it is over a week ago since I returned from the holiday, so how was it for you? Lets start with London. Two days inthe capital, tubes, museums, shops. The feet got trashed as did a couple of the toes, I was not used to walking such distances, a sorbathane sole would have helped, that long walk down the road to the room, the longer walk around after having found Stompie. Did museums, talked to people, not bad at all really. Brighton; well too much walking, bad toesa nd feet, only got better shoes too late. Still better than not having a holiday. No proper walk so not in the church, a compromise was reached which got some decent pics so thats OK.  There is the sauna, well a success, ideally would have enemed but time was not on my side. Possibly I do look old, prefer to believe the body is good and seeing others it is bu the face and hair are old, still hit all the targets there, a bit more intimacy would have been nice but did well. The Terence Higgins HIV test, syphilis and big bag of lube abd condoms was reasuring but ended up feeling a bit of a fraud, better safe than sorry and will investigate PrePip for next holiday, good to now clear. Spur of the moment thing but worth it. The weather didnot really help but the sundress was a definite success, the freedom and sense of airiness, just remember sunbloc next time. The beach in a swin suit, good, tucking not ideal would have preferred a bikini but that just didnot work. There is a sense that need to spend a bit longer initially and again into the day out on checking the presentation, relying too much on the "indness of strangers." The weight was better than it might have been but could have been better, but again it was the best I could do. There were definite "in the zone" moments quite a few to be fair but the foot let it down. The museum of Transology was a good moment too. Would like some new clothes, the sundress will become a staple, the new small crossover bag was a result too. White wine spritzer at Legends went fine too. It would have been nice to meet other gurls but understandably that didnot happen. Shame no cooridor pics but thats a small thing. Basically I was not physically fit enough for a long day and had to cut my cloth accordingly. An awful  lot did work and there is no real sense that much was missed, possibly Ghostwalk and pavilion. Ultimately there was only 5 days and I needed a rest at about 4 ish.  Thats OK. Brighton as ever went better than expected but probably not next year, well if the Pavilion is a possibility well possibly.

Is It Me Your Looking For?

It is monday and I started my packing. I realised one reason why it was so difficult was the weight if expectation of the holiday. If i packed the wrong thing would i regeret it and would the holiday be wiped out by it.  Nonsense of course but there we are. I am going to big citioes anything i really need i can buy there.  Once my razor failed the screwthread competely went, i got a new, accpetable razor in half an hour so there is really not much to worry about. On wednesday I will take another look and discard stuff and do a trip to the town and buy things to help the holiday.  The trip down will require M and S G and T, Lush soap and shampoo bars, protein bars. Today i bought studiofix MAC foundation, surprised it was £23. There was probably enough in the bottle to last but not taking that risk. The local Debenhams has a MAC counter which rather spoilt the image.  It should be perfectly made up ladies in black with a bag of expensive MAC brushes strapped round them. Instead the bag looking back reminded me of an old bus conductors leather bag for change. Then again they were probably hoping for not the local chavs or sad lloking 50 plus men saying do you have this as i held out the offending empty bottle. Else where I would have been en femme and saying Look i am a subset of your target audience. Not the Newcastle franchise granted but else where. So say Brighton all those foreign elegent rich young girls could see me and think that is part of the exotica of Brighton, what a good story it will make for my friends.
Interestingly i was walking out looking at the MAC box and making sure it was the right NW number and a rather attractive woman with a pixie cut stopped me and said "is it me you are loking for? It is micheal?" she continued at my puzzled expression. I said no and hopefully looked polite and not slightly in a way to embarass her.  These things do no hapen to me. Granted deep down I know that these events are nothing but trivia but even so you wonder. Who is Michael? I had a sort of idea she saw me coming away from MAC holding a MAC box and she was a MAC employee about to go on to shift. Or some closet Tgirl waiting to meet an off duty MAC person. I shall never know but deep down know the answer is going to be very prosaic. For me life does not work like that.
In Brighton twice I have been in Legends and unexpected things have happened. Sadly too many times it has not. Thats the problem.I have written before about the girl walking up South over street with the clumping boots. Its the potential, there is a sense that it just might, it just might. Its 2017 and too amny times it just didnot. I accept  I have to make it happen in some way, add the energy of activation to the catalyst. Its not going to happen at my home town but it might in Brighton. How many times do you have to be disappointed to say lets move on, and not just for trans reasons?

Looking Back, Looking Forward

From 2000 to 2007 the Brighton holiday was quite fun, the original first years very much so, it has to be said that by 2005 it was because to an extent of its cheapness. There would be a few days with Mr G, a walk with Mr G and a few walks by myself. It hung together but there was  a creeping sense that it was no longer enough. Then in 2007 we had a paradigm shift, it could have happened at least a year earlier possibly 2. It is difficult to over estimate the enjoyment I got dressing in my room, putting on makeup and having a meal and getting quietly drunk, listening to music. It was as good as I was going to get, a trip to Lacies or possibly Doreens for new clothes, A trip up to London for a dressing appointment, glorious.  The time in the old Boudoir with the white bricked walls, the arched window, listening to the radio for the time. Four hours of something would not get elsewhere. Granted I wanted to explore other aspects of dressing and perhaps   ImageWorks would have been better earlier but lets not spoil things. Transister was the big moonshot in 2009 with the wonderful Clare Project visit. In 2011 walked home from Clare Project dressed, though had been out dressed before a couple of times but briefly.  also there was a MAC makeover and the meeting with Rebecca. November 2011 there was going out dressed in daylight from Legends.By 2012 there wasall day dressing for several days without issue. these dates have ben taken from a docuement labelled Paige's Progress and crossreferenced with Flickr so its probably canonical.
This has ignored the 2 visits to the Brighton dressing service by the church, quick in and outs, Tranny parties,  time at Legends and meeting Stella and thats just of the top of my head.  the overiding sense is of having moved on and that i can dress and go out in a lot ofplaces now, I no longer require the liberality of Brighton. So I will be down on a sunday, foind somewhere to stash big pack, monday, tuesday wednesday in Brighton, thursday walk and friday last day.  Up on saturday. Also 2 days in London; friday and saturday. Need to plan what to do., which is a nice place to be really.

Delayed Gratification

Went outdoors today, as far as the bottom of chester road and back. passed a fish and chip shop, really wanted a bag of chips but was disciplined. Not easy though! How many times do you have to do that to get to a target weight and stay there? How many treats or small delights forgone? Well as I am not very active at the moment it all helps but in general to get the weight off its a lot of work. I have lost at least 9 lbs possibly more, its easy fat which would probably have gone anyway as the metabolism kicked in again but even so. Also been doing some pilates every day, prefer to believe you can see the difference. Again that requires some discipline as well but its worth it.
Mind you not got very far with the voice. There was a hope could pull out a female voice but no lnger ertain unless I went full time it could happen.

Nearly At The Holiday

Several days ago I spent £85 at the Sweaty Betty website.  I had been watcching the sale for a couple of weeks and for whatever reason I pounced. There was a lot of hmming and harring about size, I have a pair of large leggings and they are slightly too large so went for medium. The zero gravity running leggings are compression and that meant when I tried them onthe were very compressive. However hopefully a wash  and time will resolve that. To be honest its £85 which ould go on something else, almost 2 hours at the Boudoir, for example. Not entirely sure why
#i cracked, its a strange one. To an extent its dressing by proxy and also its a different lifestyle which the girl should have, a Fat Face, SweatyBetty white wine at Brown's she deserves. There will be 2 days at London and 4 days at Brighton, assuming I do the walk which I probably will. So finally do the Dome the ghost walk, Lewes, coffee houses, the museum, the Lanes. All of a sudden slightly pushed to fill the time. Possible MAC makeover, err, possibly.This assumes no walk with Mr G which is a possibility. Like to try Browns, oysters. In a sense it is still enough just to be the girl. Not been a good year for her so far all things considered.
The big thing is the 10 years anniversary. Need to think about doing something for that. No longer get the thrill I got going to Doreen's or Lacies. Moved on I suppose. The foot should be up to it but no running I suspect. did Doreens twice, it worked at the time but we move on. No moonshot this time, London has been done, Liverpool has been done.
The weight is under 12 stone, which is good. Been doing the pilates and its helping definately.