Well that was progress

Just looked at the Flickr stream and saw the pic of me sunbathing on Hove shingle. Suppose there are so many things which just happen when on holiday but only now looked at the pic and thought wow. There I am in a one piece swim suit sunbathing on a towel showing a lot of skin just like a proper girl. More than that i had worn a sundress with a scoop back and cut to show alot of leg and walked there and just taken the dress off, in a ladylike way and lay there. showed legs and feet. Plam A was to wear a bikini but let down by the tucking, as it was did not stand up much as the tucking was still not ideal bit even so its a big thing really, granted the wig was a bit off and perhaps the makeup a bit tired and the flats should have been flipflops but all in all an absolute result. got to say did not look too bad, well from a distance.
There was half a plan a aspitation to do the same last year but even with the fun of changing into it underneath in a local pub did not find a suitable area ws comfortable to do it. however did this year.

Heavy Metal Again

Last night managed to put the 6 mm PA piercing in. The white area was looking quite small so decided it was worth a go. Still took say 20 mins and a bit of work but not as much as the 5 mm and there was no blood. So thats been done and its all good, odd twinge but thats to be expected. The aim is to go to 7 mm then see where we are. Put the 5 mm in March so really doing rather well. 6 mm does look like a proper size, happy with it. The issue is above 7 mm the hole requires surgery to heal, or so I have read. On the Internet so must be true.
Slight concern the piercings make tuckingharder. Have not dressed for quite soe time, possibly even 2 months, gulp. There was a possibility of today but that didnot happen, another window of opportuity should hopefully arise soon, ideally duing the half term holidays so I can borrow some props for some pics.                    Laptop being silly so will stop now.

In The Right Direction

Weighed myself this mornong, 11st 12 3/4.  Yesterday it was a pond more. This seems to hav ebeen my default weight for some time now. I am sot of in dieting mode, been cutting down but not the drink, started running again and so was hoping weight was going down. Sadly it has not. THe body looks reasonable so thats something.
The face has a slight jowly look to it. The hope was that as I reached target weight that would go, however now I do not expect that to happen, it has probaby been 3 years since below 11stone 7 lb  at the very least so not overly optomistic about what the face looks like when get there again.
Having said all that more of the weight is probably due to muscles so do not need to lose as much weight. The love handles are much smaller bt sort of still there, its al getting there.
The problem is this is the very hard bit. Last time it took so much effort to go from 12 st to 11 and a half, a lot of time, pilates and dieting.  All in all its getting better, slowly.

Hotel California

A Tgirl I have a lot of respect for has posted on Flickr that she has stopped and finished her dressing days. A lot of other girls, me included, have said best of luck for the future but one wrote"It aint over, I wish you the best of luck but..." The problem is I think she is actually correct and the girl cannot stop dressing. On another website a girl who has a lot of experience wrote that the only thing that was sure was once a  Tgirl allways a Tgirl.
Obviously we cannot know but deep down it feels as if the girl is just there now. I am not dressing much and the cold weather tends to put a dampner on it as well but I do not feel I could ever stop for good. Currently my arguement is that I was without the girl for so long and i never got romantically attached so its hardly likely to happen now which I am not sure is a good or a bad thing really. OK I do, its a bad thing.

Post Holiday Blues

The girl has started to ping again. Feel the need to dress, not a big surprise but after Summer 2017 it might have been nice if it had taken longer to resurface. During the holiday there was a day where Ididnot dress as they footfelt bad, it was a quick out of the door, no putting on makeup and clothes etc. If I were to go say fuller time I would have to factor in makeup as I could not go out without some makeup. The not doing laser sometimes begins to bite and it would have been good, certainly a close shave helps. Started epilating again and the smooth skin for longer certainly helps. I am probably 12 st going up and down a bit. Need to get back to losing weight mode, the running is kicking in and that will help. As will doing pilates again. Do not look too bad, lost at least half a stone, but more to go.
The next holiday is in  6 weeks time but may go sightly after duringterm time. Manchester or Leeds probably, not done Leeds but heard good things about it.
There was no real celebration of 10 years of the girl, nor any epiphany either, just moving on in a slow way. Lets blame the foot.Has to be said if still going after 10 yeasr then its here for good. There has been no major advance for a couple of years, partly due to the thyroid and home events but mainly due to the fact that all the easy stuff has been done. The hormone time was valuable but it was probably wise to stop when i did, granted hardly started but mentally it was quite strong.
During the holiay there was no real time to stop and consider where I am and how I had got there. OK there was but I didnot was too busy doing it I suppose. It is probably the case that there will not be significant change until significant change in my circumstances. There is a stronger chance than for 2 years that i can spend New Years Eve as the girl which would be good. Got a couple of links to ebay sites for a possible belly dancer burlesue costume which may come to fruitation.

Probably Better Than Expected

It is sunday afternoon and I am recovering from an optical migraine, it is over a week ago since I returned from the holiday, so how was it for you? Lets start with London. Two days inthe capital, tubes, museums, shops. The feet got trashed as did a couple of the toes, I was not used to walking such distances, a sorbathane sole would have helped, that long walk down the road to the room, the longer walk around after having found Stompie. Did museums, talked to people, not bad at all really. Brighton; well too much walking, bad toesa nd feet, only got better shoes too late. Still better than not having a holiday. No proper walk so not in the church, a compromise was reached which got some decent pics so thats OK.  There is the sauna, well a success, ideally would have enemed but time was not on my side. Possibly I do look old, prefer to believe the body is good and seeing others it is bu the face and hair are old, still hit all the targets there, a bit more intimacy would have been nice but did well. The Terence Higgins HIV test, syphilis and big bag of lube abd condoms was reasuring but ended up feeling a bit of a fraud, better safe than sorry and will investigate PrePip for next holiday, good to now clear. Spur of the moment thing but worth it. The weather didnot really help but the sundress was a definite success, the freedom and sense of airiness, just remember sunbloc next time. The beach in a swin suit, good, tucking not ideal would have preferred a bikini but that just didnot work. There is a sense that need to spend a bit longer initially and again into the day out on checking the presentation, relying too much on the "indness of strangers." The weight was better than it might have been but could have been better, but again it was the best I could do. There were definite "in the zone" moments quite a few to be fair but the foot let it down. The museum of Transology was a good moment too. Would like some new clothes, the sundress will become a staple, the new small crossover bag was a result too. White wine spritzer at Legends went fine too. It would have been nice to meet other gurls but understandably that didnot happen. Shame no cooridor pics but thats a small thing. Basically I was not physically fit enough for a long day and had to cut my cloth accordingly. An awful  lot did work and there is no real sense that much was missed, possibly Ghostwalk and pavilion. Ultimately there was only 5 days and I needed a rest at about 4 ish.  Thats OK. Brighton as ever went better than expected but probably not next year, well if the Pavilion is a possibility well possibly.

Is It Me Your Looking For?

It is monday and I started my packing. I realised one reason why it was so difficult was the weight if expectation of the holiday. If i packed the wrong thing would i regeret it and would the holiday be wiped out by it.  Nonsense of course but there we are. I am going to big citioes anything i really need i can buy there.  Once my razor failed the screwthread competely went, i got a new, accpetable razor in half an hour so there is really not much to worry about. On wednesday I will take another look and discard stuff and do a trip to the town and buy things to help the holiday.  The trip down will require M and S G and T, Lush soap and shampoo bars, protein bars. Today i bought studiofix MAC foundation, surprised it was £23. There was probably enough in the bottle to last but not taking that risk. The local Debenhams has a MAC counter which rather spoilt the image.  It should be perfectly made up ladies in black with a bag of expensive MAC brushes strapped round them. Instead the bag looking back reminded me of an old bus conductors leather bag for change. Then again they were probably hoping for not the local chavs or sad lloking 50 plus men saying do you have this as i held out the offending empty bottle. Else where I would have been en femme and saying Look i am a subset of your target audience. Not the Newcastle franchise granted but else where. So say Brighton all those foreign elegent rich young girls could see me and think that is part of the exotica of Brighton, what a good story it will make for my friends.
Interestingly i was walking out looking at the MAC box and making sure it was the right NW number and a rather attractive woman with a pixie cut stopped me and said "is it me you are loking for? It is micheal?" she continued at my puzzled expression. I said no and hopefully looked polite and not slightly in a way to embarass her.  These things do no hapen to me. Granted deep down I know that these events are nothing but trivia but even so you wonder. Who is Michael? I had a sort of idea she saw me coming away from MAC holding a MAC box and she was a MAC employee about to go on to shift. Or some closet Tgirl waiting to meet an off duty MAC person. I shall never know but deep down know the answer is going to be very prosaic. For me life does not work like that.
In Brighton twice I have been in Legends and unexpected things have happened. Sadly too many times it has not. Thats the problem.I have written before about the girl walking up South over street with the clumping boots. Its the potential, there is a sense that it just might, it just might. Its 2017 and too amny times it just didnot. I accept  I have to make it happen in some way, add the energy of activation to the catalyst. Its not going to happen at my home town but it might in Brighton. How many times do you have to be disappointed to say lets move on, and not just for trans reasons?