To understand you must first measure

I have started in a small way some counselling.  Not sure what to expect or what outcome really want but things could not stay as they are. Again what can it really achieve.  I am hoping for some peace and answers so then know where I am and so can progress. Part of the problem is so many terms, I prefer so say I am trans as that seems a general catchall. Do not want to transition I think but suspect more than a crossdresser.  Though it is at best dubious COGNATI put me as "Androgny"  and cautioned against permament transition though a partial transformation may be beneficial.  Hmm could have a point there. Wear the clothes but do not get the bits cut off basically.  

Onwards and Upwards

Lets have a brief lookback and ask the question what did I do to progress Sapphire in 2011?  Well actually a lot!  The out in daylight in Brighton in August followed by the all day on October was a total success and in fact October at Legends was a big result.  Got a better colour wig.Increased confidence massively, met Rebecca MAC makeover, Brighton museum, all good.  Then there is W'ear out a tg/ts support group been there several times, all good.  Got ears pierced, absolut result there too, very little negative feedback over that one.  DId the Boudoir dressed, ideally would have left dressed but even so, a new step forward.  Twice to Alison Dale's.  Different style, different experience going back again.  Question about whether doing a dressing service after that see what happens in February.  Had first waxing, probably do more.Met Stellawhen at Gulllivers and Brighton poly, broadening shall we say.  Suppose the slantbar giving a closer shave was good.  The Xhamster account has afforded a bit of joy.  Still need to sort out flash and camera.  Overarching questions over Flickr.  Looking older on pics, not good.  Still thin.good.  As ever more could have been acheived but progress and nreal results.

 So for 2012?  Out a few times in Brighton in February probably.  Summer 2012, probably Brighton again but Legends hopefully.  The support group may lead somewhere.  Would like to try Sparkle.  Reasons to be optomistic.l  Lets set a goal of out in Brighton and , possibly, Newcastle would be good. Hormones keep lurking in the background, not good.  Keep up the exercise and diet. Its meant to be fun.

Christmas Present

Sapphire's Christmas 2011  was definatly a curate's egg and a bit of a flop.Only 1 day of full dressing which produced a couple of good shots but a major league tizzy!  Do not know why it does that, possibly the gurl coming out.  Managed to kill  laptop, very bad news.  Not too much lost but my fault.  Did Christmas shot which went well.  Even emailed Skin Seamstress with it.Bit of shopping in La Senza wich went into admin istration so 50% off but not a La Senza dressing day sadly.  Really need more dressing time. Bought earrings, pendent and lingerie; a very nice silk negligee.  OK cup half full.  Got eyebrows waxed, partial success would have liked more off.  Also got back waxed.   Nice but starting to grow back after 1 week.  Will consider getting front and back done in a few weeks time.  A big success was seeing in the new year dressed!  Ok missed the countdown as thought it was only 11.40, how did that happen?  But yes hit 2012 dressed and slept in aforementioned negligee so result there. Lets hope it is a good omen for 2012.

Big Ones

Buckle up people trying a big one.  Was reading some blog and there it was "I am a woman."  It said.  Could I?  Oh dear, am I in the wrong body?  Putting aside the gender binary I do not know.  OK I came late to the party, say 45 but some prewtty big hints earlier and its my big theory of everything.  There is a something and its a big something.  I can go out dressed and do need to, there has been a significant expense on it and it is a "constant Buzz" as it has been described as.  But transition, am I a woman?  I might be but probably not fulltime, though it is tempting in an ideal world.  A coiple of years ago J L said "if you had the money and a big house would you transition?"  I said no that women had a bad lot in society but it made me think.  I think if the option arose I would dress fulltime but not go for SRS.  A couple of years ago I would not get pierced ears, before that I would not have shaved my body so what for the next couple of years?  Lots of question marks.  Actually losing the male genitals would not be a big problem I suspect but probably going fulltime is about as far as I would go.  I do not think I am a woman I am not a man.  So what we have is the spectrum, not 0 or 1 but 0 to ,say, 7.  Watch this space.

Lets have some good news

Spent 2 days in Brighton.Down wednesday and back saturday.  Stayed at Legends, Britians largest gay hotel.  If can get a quite room then may stay there next year summer.Thursday spent at London, Alison Dale, not sure how that went.  Needs a bit more thinking about.  Spent wednesday night in Leegends bar, Tammy drag karoake, not sure about thursday night, but was there friday night.  OK this is the BIG thing.  Got up friday, shaved, put makeup on, dressed en femme, had breakfast went all round Brighton and had one change of dress and in evening legends bar.  From 9.00am to say 11.00pm.  Out 9.30am till 8.00pm.   No probnlems at all.  Felt fine, talked to shop assistants and bar maids, went to MAC, did the Body Modification gallery at Brighton museum, the Pavilion gardens, walked along Western Road, Hove library, Hove Museum, Long Tall Sally, The Signalman pub at London Road station, KFC at Preston Circus.  Even several female toilets, bit uncertain about that one. The Lanes, The Hand in Hand pub in Kemptown.  How it should be.  Massive boost.  It was so easy.

Keep calm and keep posing

Sometimes you go through a set of pics you have taken and see one which you just KNOW will be good. You put it through Photoshop, not long, just a few clicks, post it and very little else happens.  It is not picked up by many people and so there it sits.  I did a bunny girl set which I thought ticked all the boxes, wrong.  Been here before.  Expect to be liked by the Flickr elite and no joy  only get the pervs and loyal fans, thank you you know who you are.  Each year I wonder whether its worth contining with Flickr, each year I pony up the money.  Perhaps if I had outdoor pics with other gurls,,natural pics bt no I rely on skin and long legs.   Only one thing worse than being talked about and thats...Oh crap another downer post.  On the plus side, could allways start the leaving nice comments game rather than an English ideal of assuming the pic will sell its self.  perhaps there is a certain purity in that.

'ear, 'ear

Last saturday I got my ears pierced.Just the lobes.  Really wanted to wear hoops, bit slutty I know!  The new drees code said 2only ear piercings visible"  Green light then.  Nlo mention of gender( lets not go there) or, even more interestingly, the location od=f the piercing   The tragus piercing may be OK.  Granted not what they meant but we shall see.  People have noticed, not immediately but they do notice.  Couple of women surprisingly supportive, one male went on about his piercings in youth.  So have 2 microlabret studs, 1.2 mm by 9 mm 3.5 mm balls at a guess.  Not particularly painful very fleeting, less than navel!  One rather nice woman said "you have had your ears done" and showed a couple of piercings at tops of ear.  I said, quietly  " I have other piercings!"  "  lets leave it at that" she said not in a bad way.  On thursday realised it gave comfort.  The lobes are too small for ideal but it looks nice to me.  Another bit of female to carry around.  6 weeks time can put proper earrings in.  We sha  see. Blame the Buddha, he had pierced and strettched ears, look at the lobes.