Friday, 18 April 2014


Its friday night now. Started taking pics at 2.30 and stopped at about 5.00 pm  MoreXHamster in content some of them.  No video but can live with that.  Suspect the flash is slowly giving up.  Cannot complain really, its lasted well. Well had high hopes of these 2 days and reasonably happy with the results.Should have enough pics to last a couple of months with luck.  There's something else which I cannot totally define yet.  A sense that have touched  a bit of Paige within me.  Possibly even brought it to the surface.  Will have to think about this but was certainly interested in seeing what came out of these 2 days.  The word pottering came to mind in so far that it was not so hectic as the 4 photosessions in 3 days but hopefully better quality.
Partly its having to find stuff, put it back again, tidy up afterwards which takes the time.  When actually doing the pics can get it nailed in 12 pics or say 36.  If sort out timer and or flash even less.  There is a deeper question about the value of pics but it seems important at the moment.
As ever, its something which can only be investigated by doing and that limits it sadly.   Still do not rerally understand the actual retitence to dress but it is emotionally draining. 
Looked in the mirror and it looked and felt right, hmm.  Still  not too happy wearing a wig.  Just had a flash back wearing the first big hair wig, sitting on the carpet running hands through hair to attempt to get rid of friction fuzz, an issue with longer hair wigs.
Its been busy and quite traumatic but successful.  Feel closer to answering some questions, as ever no idea where going in the future.

Thursday, 17 April 2014

Well, finally got in front of the camera

Well aother here we are post! A full day to myself.  Will get same again tomorrow.  Last night leggings, kitten heels and forgotten top started to feel quite "comfortable" about it all.  Early night and not too much drink so OK this morning.  You know where this is going and it did.  Shaved myself.  Took for ever to setup the "set," camera and laptop.  Had lunch and only put on makeup at 1.30pm.  By 2.30 started in earnest.  Actually it went well I suppose.  The laptop is faster and managed to get say 4 of 6 potentially useable. Of those should have 10 pics without scraping the barrel.
Decided that the reason for not wanting to dress is that it is so traumatic to the psyche.  May even be true. Want to dress, get chance to dress without chance of detection and yet its a real battle.  Possibly also as the pics show how far from the ideal I am.  They show age and some signs of fatness.I am 11 st say 10 lb. Took some pics of clothes from 3 years ago, not looking bad but even so.  The face is older.  Then again body looking not bad. 
Lets see how tomorrow goes.  Be good to do some more pics.

Sunday, 13 April 2014

The old question

Managed to dress today, makeup as well.  Only some pics from compact see below

At the time stopped too early and makeup a bit rushed.  Looking back at them there is a sign of aging, not sure what is happening with the nose either! Had the shaking again but thats expected now.  Suppose it scratched the itch but hoping for better later in the week. Keep coming back to the question of how should dress and age.  A good body, thin anyway but old face is that enough?

Saturday, 12 April 2014

Earth from space

Just come across this pic taken in the mirror of Transister on the first real night out. 2009. It looks OK really, shoes from Lacies, still reasonably sober at this point.

All in all its not a bad look and one I would do again.  There are also pics of my hand with something indecriphable on and a couple of street furniture. Even now if I went again if it were on, there would be the issue about what to do when in there.  Hopefully could put up a message on Angels or Chix.
Actually was at Tranny party the night before, bit of a test run for the look.  Remember no males there, vague memory of going twice on that holiday.

Sunday, 6 April 2014

Looking back, looking forward

Lets start with a couple of pics;

 Both taken when on holiday.  Both with the Lumix DC8, I think. Just put them through photoshop and quite pleased with them.  The top was at Brighton and the bottom LSE, just wish I was smiling.  The point is you have unlimited time and cannot be interupted.  Then again you have limited resources.  Now I have not really dressed and taken pics for several weeks.  To do so now requires a quite advanced setup with a flash, netbook, tripod etc.  The bar has been raised so what would be acceptable a couple of years ago is not now.  Also the estrofem has reduced the desire to dress, well up to a point.  Now really want to do outside pics with other people, that would be nice.  
Had a marathon defrostation session today, bathbomb, 3 razor blades and conditioner.  As ever, missed bits but feel better, more femme.  Really do need to do a photosession, next thursday week seems to far away.  Support group on tuesday, probably will go. 

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Holiday 2014

Was in the "FatFace" shop today, not dressed, looking for scarf which took pic of at Xmas.  No joy but did well over Laura bag so no big deal.  Not sure what the thing with scarfs is anyway! FatFace seems to be the new Boden but slightly down market. I suppose that is my outdoor look, older but still trying and  not given up. Not dressed for 3 weeks, not too bad but be good to do it soon.  For a couple of days took 2 2 mg tablets, well we shall see. 
The eye brow glue stuff was sent recorded deliver need to go to middle of nowhere to get it.   Not ideal.  There may be a very slight breast growth and the eating more may  be related.  In 2 weeks get the 2 days to dress etc, be good to top up the batteries. Sadly Tbirds wrong week and no other events available. Really do not want to go back to University of Brighton but well cheap and cheerful. Ideally not do Brighton but where else? done it for 14 years for the last 6 for Sapphire.  Ten days away at a cheap price, lets gloss over the Legends not fiasco but well too noisy, too small rooms.  Like to do Manchester, swing down to Liverpool then Brighton possibly.  That has resonance it has to be said.
Got some 3 mm BCR's today £6 at shot , surgical steel.  The guy goes " do you want to see them?"  and I said yes.  Anyway, looking back there was a sense of being very professional about it al, not some kid being bigger than they were.  Need to get scrotum repierced x 3 and the 2 in the naval.  The last one may be suitable for Punktured,yes that feels right.Aaagh, that says Brighton again.