Friday, 28 January 2011

It was not meant to be this way

I have just posted a comment of Flickr on a pic for a tgurl who I really admire.  Chic, great clothes, good makeup skills, living the life lots of outside pics with other people.  Basically looks like an attractive girl enjoying life. Very aspirational.  This led me to think about my Flickr stream.  Oh dear, I look like an old tart, too much skin, lingerie, heels, inappropiate clothes.  Actually this is not too bad in the scheme of things.  There are no pics of my genitalia or "gaping bottom" shots at the extreme end.  Moving up the scale I am clean shaven, fairly thin and not an hairy panty wearer. I make an effort, use MAC cosmetics, expensive, wear a wig but still bit of a slapper.  I have no illusions.  If I had the money, opportunity and damn luck I would be different but the question is "how much can I change?"  Perhaps it is time to change from chasing Flickr hits to something else.

Sunday, 23 January 2011

What kind of girl are you?

Following on from the last post.  Well what girl am I.  I want to be Carole Boquet or Catherine Denerve in my pics but am some good time girl from Titbits, showing skin but nothing too revealing now.  It would take a lot of money and clothes, accessories and time and nerve, too many ands, to be that sort of girl so you get skin.  Not too bad skin to be fair, I a thinnish and itd not embarrasing, I do epilate.  My pics are good quality, flash, DSLR post processing but not to create an illusion but change lighting conditions.  I want grainy rubbish pics taken in bars and discos by other tgurls on compacts, makeup all off after sweating for several hours and too many whitewine spritzers.  You get   academic dry pics which would be more suited to a moonrock.  Might as well add a ruler to the pics and be done with it!

Thursday, 20 January 2011

The hidden manual

Pre Sapphire I was heterosexual but not very successful to put it mildly.  Odd, very, homo thought, but thats it. Well as Sapphire woove her magic on my psyche things changed over time.  However theory and practice. well lets say it was a learning experience but not a very real desire to repeat.  I was not prepared for the psychological change and had read very very little about it.  Well my Flickr post had several which showed genetilia, for friends only.  Deleted them all yesterday.  Again not entirely sure why.  Not ashamed of them and very few people saw them.  A gurl likes to be liked and perhaps to be liked sexually is part of that.  I would like to have lovely clothes and a young face and be good nat that.  But I have neither.  I am too tall but have put a lot of work into my body.  Its not ideal but that I am showing but feel this may change over time.

Sunday, 9 January 2011

Back in the box

"NO the town will do"  so Sapphire suffers another cut.  Go to newcastle that adds an hour onto the journe, more shops adds more time result more safer time to be Sapphire.  Town loses at least an hour.  Less Sapphire time, more uncertainty, bad, bad, bad.  So Sapphire goes back into the box, again.  Not enough time already.  Each time I think the Sapphire thing is passing something happens to say no no it is not you are stuck with it now.  Thebottom line is can I cope with just what I have or do I need more?  If more then more drastic action will be required with bigger reprecussions.

Saturday, 8 January 2011

Planting a flag

Round about this time last year I deleted my first Flickr account, after paying for pro status and propmptly having all my pics put to restricted status, not totally wrongly.  I later relented and created a new account, new name, and this later too went Pro.  When I first setup the first account I hoped to mail beautiful Tgurls and swap tips and get all girly via email.  This, very largely, did not happen.  It would be reasonable to say this may be my fault, partly, I do not seem to have the type of personality which is warm and opening but also the nature of my pics is more risque than I would have thought I would do.  Perhaps this attracts the wrong type of Flickr'er or perhaps this is the nature of Flickr.  It is the equavalent of knocking on doors and running away, risk free comments can be left.  The there are people who have only pics of their genitals or no pics but put you as friend status. This fools no one.  Recently had a couiple of mistresses doing the be my cissy thing which if done nicely could be appealing but has not been.  To balance out this some admirers have been lovely, some gg have left nice comments and several Tgurls have been kind.  It would be very easy thought to stop posting pics and I do wonder about it seriously.  If the not nice: nice ratio gets too bad perhaps I will but do not hold your breath.

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Things which never were and should have been

I shall be 48 soon, this makes Sapphire only 3 and a half years old.  before then she could have broken out 1 perhaps 2 years earlier.  There were some very heavy hints even 4-5 years before that.  Took some pics of me a couple of days ago and I looked old, the eyes were crinkly and the 2 lines from nostril to mouth obvious.  On the plus side still thin and legs good but in a couple of years could be significantly worse.  Look at Flickr and see young Tgurls and know I will never look like that and feel sad.  OK probably be over this in a few months as Sapphire matures but it is profoundly depressing.  I can  say that the lighting was bad, it was, and I can edit the pics not very much at all to good effect but still.  Actually the best reply was "you couldnot have handled it earlier"  lets hope it's true.  how many young Tgurls in 1990's were unhappy?  I hope very few.

Monday, 3 January 2011

New year new me?

back in the 1970's 80's you could buy Letts diaries for different people.  I carried the student and the science where yellow pages had unique information to make you chose mode easier.  By march how many of them had been binned or left to gently be destroyed in the bottom of a bag or pocket.  Now we have blogs.  Muc more ecofriendly.  gosh what a negative start.  I am a tgurl, my designation, My LIfestyle it appears was not a choice but finally sprung out on me at the tender age of 44.  lots of issues there.  Follow me as wacky adventures and insights into eye liner follow.  Alternatively by April it will be forgotten, not very likely.