Still treading water

It is 820 in the evening on a sunday night.  I have moistured 90% plus of my surface area.  Yesterday I didnot drink too much but did have a cigar which lasted over 50 mins.  Was sick, felt better.  Today hangove and stomach off.  30 mins OK 50 mins too long.  Which is not why I have not dressed but still not good.  No return to the estrofem , lost a sense of jiggle, still seem to be same size.  I am 12 st 2 ib say give or take a few pounds either way.  Love handles but shifting them is going to be work.  Not sure I want to do the work really, still look OK I suppose. 
Summer 2013 looks like being Brighton, surprise, surprise.  Legends, not so good that one, but only 8 days.  No dressing service this time, feel diminishing retruns had really set in so that will save money too.  Say 1 day walk, possibly Mr G as well so could only be 5 days which may or may not be enough. 
The last set of pics were not a success frankly.  Probably really do need a new camera, or at least change the lighting. 
MyBuyBox is working well so can start getting things off ebay that way.
Would ideally like a real hair wig, its all money.  Meeting on tuesday, what to wear.  Would like to ring in the changes but how?
Suspect thighs are getting bigger too.
Not really a post with a single message or aim but that sometimes is life.

Its not good but its for the best

Well here we are.  Its not good but for the best.  I have under 2 weeks supply of estrofem on my current wheel left.  I have started cutting down to 1 2 mg tablet a day.  When that wheel ends I shall, hopefully, stop.  Put on a tshirt and as yet the nipples just show.  At work I wear a shirt and tshirt so could have longer time before things become obvious.  At home no such luxury.  So its burning the code books, putting sugar in the petrol and preparing for a tactical withdrawl.  To go back to thicker hair, being less emotional and norning erections, possibly more oily hair and its all bad.  However there was never a plan for what to do do next.  Its the lesser of 2 evils I suppose and I can try again later. I all worked so well, I felt so better, the GID was much more easier to handle.  So there you have it, a tactical withdrawl and I do not know when I will be back.  Its so unfair and I am not sure I can do it.  Still its for the best and going to have a good summer holiday.  Will testesterone production restart, will the nipples become smaller and less sensitive, will the breast tissue be readsorbed?

Me and my girl, seal clubbing

This could be about hitting 50 but I am still processing that one.  Instead lets go witth a visit to a new club.  Events made it possible to go so I did .  Not a total success but certainly very nearly.  Where are all the young Tgirls?  Talked to quite a few girls, had a good time.  I do not appear to be very sexual , not a big surprise but even so.  Used the Aldi makeup, the foundation seemed to be OK, one to try again.  Spending so much time on heels was not easy, bit painful to be honest.  Like to go again but not certain its an option.  Allways nice to talk to other tgirls, cannot say rally learnt much but even so.  Also feel a bit calmer about things.  Was to

ldmy size was a 12-14.  Not a surprise but not too bad.
Good evening, usual guilt but would be nice to do again.   

Using the force.

Lots of stuff here.
First off to my left there is a small brown parcel containing 4 wheels of 2 mg estrofem.  The trick seems to be larger amounts do not attract Customs and Excise attention.  So there is 2 months at 2 tablets per day.  Mood swings seem to be better.  Put on tight t shirt yesterday, could really see nipples, not sure about that one.  OK getting growth but becoming obvious, possibly.  See how that one goes but it was allways going to happen sooner or later.  Perhaps it is time to cut back to 1 tablet a day or stop.  Still it really helps my dysphoria. Course thats all part of the where are we going arguement.  Stilll no answer.
Well should get wednesday evening to friday lunchtime, say, by myself.  Possibly even the friday night but expect brief visitation.  Hopefully will finally do pics bu even so definite result.  Wish it was warmer though. 
Managed to get last night alone.  Black knitted top, denim skirt, 80 dernier tights and 5 in heels.  Ate in extension and even outside for 1 minute.  No makeup, not sure what that means. Went OK, no blinding revelations or Mary Tyler Moore moments but even so nice and so easy.
Thinking about visiting TBirds, not definite but certainly a possibility. 
Started thinking about summer 2013. No big hurry to go back to University of brighton, however cheap.  Legends could be OK or some other place. Citypad might have something last minute but that would be a gamble.  MUST book holidays soon at work.  Tickets for train probably out next month.  Need to make decisions soon. Possibly only a week, not ideal but there we go.
The point about all the trans business is that there has never been an overall plan.  Its just keep moving forward till you stop.  There has never been a set of conditions to say stop.  Allways assumed there would be further to go and it will be fine.

Oh dear, another how much further post!

It is another slightly unsatisfactory bank holiday.  It is too cold, I am not alone in the house, I am drinking too much, I have to go back to work tomorrow and questions are swirling around.  What is also swirling around is the rather delicious prospect of a couple of days dressing alone in the house.  Possibly even a trip to Tbirds before the forces of the academy make that difficult. 
That is absolutly lovely and there will be pics, possibly even new shoes.  I remember a similiar opportunity several years ago and in 3 days I did 5 separate sessions! OK different me different quality control but its a nice thought.
Not so nice is the thought where am I going?  Am I happy with 2 possibly 3, holidays to dress, the odd snatched several hours?  The answer may well be yes.  Thats no sin in that either.  Its where I could be stable and happy, thats the important thing.  Dressing, no job and no prospects or not so much and a better future outlook.  OK both would be ideal but its not going to happen. 
This ignores the other issues in my life but even so there is a sense that we are approaching some sort of crunch point or nexus or even Rubicon.  Of course, as ever, it may be just a accepting how things are and not really pushing against it.