Friday, 2 November 2018

Problems With Pics

Partly due to one of the cats being ill it was not possible to do the Halloween shoot on 2 Saturdays. However last Monday I did actually get done as much as it was reasonable to do. It was helped by having everything in bags already so it very much just needed to be dragged out and done. From about 9 am to 11 ish with interludes between to wash merino and other things I got ready and put on makeup for the first time in some time. By 12 I was in front of the camera and by 1.45 there were 180 pics in the full SD card. As ever it was a right battle and psychologically draining but very glad to get pics sorted. There was a plan to use the fake blood but this did not happen but that's OK ish.
I suspect now its the fear, sort of, being caught which makes it so difficult, well that set anyway.
For the next pics hopefully I can just use the flash as I used to, this shot had 2 lights as well and a complicated set with a certain amount of dressing.
Must make a real effort to dress and put up pics, so far there has been rather a lot of recycling. There are psychological questions to be asked too. I still deep down feel trans but and not dressing nearly so much.
Flickr were taken over by SmugMug not so long ago and so it was probably only a matter of time before they pulled a fast one. As of January 2019 a free account will olny be allowed 1,000 pics. I have 1,700. I will have  to upgrade to Pro. Probably not a lot of money but even so. We shall see what finally does happen. For a lot of Ts/TG the Internet is vitally important, possibly you can include me I that statement.



Its a bit of a warning too. There is over 8 years pics there and it has been a big emotional investment over that time. Probably will pony up the money, last time went pro they immediately set me to unsafe which rather put me off. I have worried about losing the blogs too and really need to sort out more backups. This blog has been important to me and I would not like to lose it. Been thtough a lot of dear diary moments with it. Accept that things move on eventually but well its caused me to have a bit of a rethink.

Friday, 5 October 2018

Fright Night

I have a plan for the Halloween photoset and today made a start, granted half hearted, on finding things. Bought a £20 sort of corset with a bit of lace but it was too short, shame. However the lace cape and veil shows promise.  Even found the red shoes I would like to use. Got a Gothic choker and gloves in the post, well somewhere in the post, and hopefully they will make a difference.  The problem was did not put any makeup on and one holdup wouldn't so it was never going to look good. Sadly the abdomen looked too big somehow. Sot of knew this, 12 st 7 lb after all but the not good enough corset/dress seemed to accentuate it somehow. Still I will go back and tidy up the chaos and possibly create some fresh mess as well.
Having said that I did feel the benefit of even a slight dip into the world of the girl. Found the white, well  not any more, what would you call it, well a bustier which I got in the first visit to Lacies. It is probably fair to say that I have never got so much enjoyment from dressing as I did those initial times.
I shall be able to hit he gym again and will be trying to do some runs so hopefully that will help in getting the body into a better shape. Got to keep a sense of perspective, its not too bad and  have not let myself go too badly. It would be very nice to get to 11 st say 7 but as it is dipping under 12 st would be good. Also I prefer to believe that I am more muscular now and that is reflected in my weight, there is probably a fair degree of truth in that too.
Lets blame the thyroid for everything, from being not ideally shaped, to the lack of desire to dress to only going out once dressed when on holiday. Actually there food poisoning is also implicated to be honest. Had a drink at Legends, white wine spritzer, if only I had brought my reading glasses. It was a very easy day and no problems.
Almost forgot, had a 2 hour session at The Boudoir; pics, pics, pics;







Thursday, 9 August 2018

Still Here

I am still here and not really so sure why have not posted for such a long time. The Spring holiday was the marathon and the gurl was not part of that. I suspect also the thyroid has been naughty too. There has been dressing and even some new pics but what comes back so strongly is how much work it is, all the items are packed away and its a bit of a battle to get them. Also it is so very mentally traumatic getting dressed and then not being dressed.
Lets be fair the gurl has also been unlucky too. The 2 hours at Jodi's was blighted by the food poisoning, I felt tired and off. That was so naughty. Two bags of gurl did go down to Brighton but it hardly happened. The heat was very oppressive and in a wig would have been vile. The walk was in male mode but it was cur down anyway. There was a gurl day and very nice it was too, it was easy and just got on with it. White wine spritzer in Legends, pic in museum, cannot complain. Even the sense of a couple of wow moments, hip wiggle.






Yes well, feel a bit cheated about summer 2018.

Monday, 1 January 2018

2017, not a great year but some highlights.

2017 was not a good year for the gurl in several ways.  Lets blame the thyroid basically. Not a lot of dressing, not a lot of pics and she has been quiet all round. The weight has decreased from 12 st 9 to just under 12 st which helps. The Easter holiday was a complete success, meeting S and M the pics which went very well on Flickr and later published. That was a success. Summer 2017 was a bit strange.  For a while it was almost as if she was not going! She did and the time in London was good, Brighton the hotel was fab, less days has to be said, but did walk, got pics and recharged the batteries. Did not do clare project or meet anyone but there you go. Autumn holiday Manchester, l;ot of walking it has to be said, felt tired and the gurl very nearly didnot go. Done Manchester so can move on on that front. Nice to do Preston dressed but again can move on. Liverpool might have more to offer but Leeds feels about right.
Was dressed on New Years Eve, meal and drink, bed early in nightie but still that was good.
The Hallowean pics were different and interesting. could do with a new camera it has to be said.
Hopefully next year the thyroid will be sorted and there will be more gurl. no real advances or anything but an increased concern the face looks older which is not helping at all. Lets see what happens I suppose but nothing leaps to mind.

Tuesday, 26 December 2017

Microdermal Lost

For reasons not totally explained it is now December the 26th and this is my first post. On the plus side did get a Christmas card sent out, not ideal had hoped to get something more original but it will do. Also probably will get New Years Eve to myself too, absolute result.
The right microdermal has looked off for a few days, the head was at an  angle and the skin undernearh reddened.  I assumed it was merely an infection but this afternoon in the bathroom took another look.  The tip of the bracket could be almst seen and it was apparent it was unseated. I had been toying with getting them reoved anyway so pulled and it came out partly.  It took 5 minutes gentle moving and masaging for a final pull which was not painful at all to remove the microdermal bracket in totality. Very very little blood and glad its gone. Not so sure about the other two but still feel better.
Had the microdermals for over 5 years, lets say 7 that feels right. They had run their course I suppose several years ago, they had been exciting and unusual but never really lived up to their potential.  They were a gap between the nipple piercings and the scrotum piercings before the P.A. All in all they had a good innings so cannot complain.

Used to have a La senza day where i would wear new lingerie bought as a Xmas present to the gurl.  At the time not confident enough to do this when not Xmas.  The black cardboard box, the pink pouch of nicely smelling crystals, it was very nice. It ad a god vibe and really was something to look forward to. Moved on and thats not so much of a big thing any more but really need more dressing. Should get time this holiday.

Saturday, 4 November 2017

Manchester, bit of a result.

OK then back from Manchester. first post for too long which probably says something. There was briefly an idea to do manchester en drab with no dressing. It was an idea which had some merit and was not followed up. I did cut back and only took 1 set of clothes really for going out in the day. There was a day in Manchester and a half day in Preston and a half day in Manchester dressed. No big wow moment but what which second small bag and the boots and insoles there was limited issues which most definately helped. Thr feet and knees stayed fine, the eyes not too much of an issue and even the wig went well. A last minute email to S about a possible meet didnot happen but it was not really ever high up on the radar anyway. Too much walking and getting lost. Need really need to get a new coat and some new tops, definately. The problem, and not for the first time, is that when it all works you think it might be possible to go further.
Three, four years ago I had a support group, was taking hormones and there was a sense that  there was a further place to go which was possible without "coming out" as they say. Perhaps there is but only recently has more dressing been possible, more pics and possibly the thyroid getting better though it is still off. There is no 5 year plan at all. There is a sense that this is as good as it is going to get.
Though it all went well there was an increasing sense that I do not look young and have to accept that and move on. Never going to pass and accept that and seem to have ground to a halt with the voice. Do need more and possibly a few occasions amonth todress and say 2 short holidays and a long holiday may be enough. We all want to look like a young girl but middle aged? Well thats the question.

Sunday, 15 October 2017

Save For Tomorrow

First off, did a photosession yesterday.  It was the real proper experience, light boxes, garage, set up a set the whole enchalida. It startd going silly when the intervalometer played up rather a lot and that became an issue. It was the Madeline Smith/halloween picsso glad to get them done. With a bit of luck should also get a chance to do anothe rmore obviously jokey set later in the month. I suspected the laptop was filling up on the C drive but thought it reasonable to assume that isues would not appear with over 6 Gb of  space still free. Sadly it this I was wrong. The hard drive was whirring away a lot but ignored it until realised the issue.
Ended up dumping a lot of pics onto the external hard drive and freed up quite a lot of space.  Half way through the laptop and the external hard drive stoped talking to each other. It required a reboot and  10 mins for them to reconnect. For a brief period I did worry that I had managed to trash the equivalent of the FAT table on the external hard drive. That set me thinking about how much I actually needed and how much I could lose. Granted thats a silly question as you do not know what will become useful in the future and also you should be able to just dump it all onto the backup. My backup is an external hard drive but only 1 and thats not really good enough as todays brief scare showed. I have 2 old NAS boxes but need to spend real money on HDD to get them really working properly. At the very least I need another external hard drive.
Going back to the question regarding how much will be useful in the future? To be honest very few pics hav ebeen useful so far, there is anaawful lot of redundancy. Be sorry to lose some of the A D pics, the holiday pics too and some of my own work. The JL pics from the first session have sadly disappeared apart from a few important ones, which is depressing. I have an image of a future me looking at these pics for, sadly, i am on a downward spiral. If i were say 30 today i could expect a good 15-20 years before age would start to whither me. Ideally I could grow my own hair long and it would be a lovely auburn. OK too much thinking that way is just depressing but I am managing decline. slowing down the slowing down. Not going to get all Bladerunner "tears in the rain" but each time i look a a new set of pics i do wonder. It goes, of course it does, but there is a sense that one day it will not be enough to be thin and have good legs! There is a gg as they say on Flickr who once was clearly  a beauty and was happy to show it but today still likes the attention but the pics have spent perhaps too long in photoshop. That is not a place i would like to be. Of course we all believe that point is far away. Lets be positive I am still catching up for lost time.