I have just completed a monster epilation session. The hair was surprisingly long, soft too but it had to go . Usual pain of course and need to do neck and back with razor. Feel a bit more girly. Still eating too much, doing the wrong type of exercise and not dressing enough, the cold weather does that. Manchester on tuesday evening. Lots of things there. Lets ignore all the nostalgia issue but for Paige there is a rather nice possibility. If there is an alternative to Brighton well that would be good. Not sure what to expect from the "Village" a few evenings out in bars will do anything more will be a bonus. The press seems to suggest it is some trans colony or reservation, we shall see. Hope to walk around Manchester dressed too. This I have been told is not unreasonable.
Wednesday, 17 October 2012
Anyway last saturday at 1715 hours I put a blue 2 mg esterfem pill on my tongue and let it dissolve. In some attempt at ritual I stared at a nice pic of Audrey Hepburn at the same time. It is wednesday and I now realise I should put it under the tongue to absorb better. Any effects to date are probably psychological, as happened with some herbal supplements last year, but might get some effect. Its the ratchet effect, need to go further, do more. If it calms the mental chatter that would be enough.I would be happy to lose my libido too, no more erections on a saturday or sunday morning at 6 am would be great. Not masturbating much either. Was not even before the P.A. piercing. My erotic imaginings have not involved penetrative sex for some time.
It would be nice to imagine that the voice breaking suggests some feminisation or other issue. Sadly I have good beard growth and body hair including pubic hair which I battle with at a regular basis. Mind you the pain in the scrotum and the KYjelly breast fantasy might suggest a nascent Sapphire saying hello!
Friday, 12 October 2012
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Friday, 5 October 2012
Several possible topics here. Could be getting a PA piercing, the hangover after 10 Paige days at Brighton but lets go with a rather more hinterland topic shall we say. I have ordered 2 mg esterfom, spelt wrong, and lets say it arrives safely, lets say it does not trash my liver or a DVT clot wastes me. Lets say rather it goes, as Brighton 2012 did, horribly right. I feel better, right and happy. What then? I like the term "diagnostic dose" for that is what it is. Lets ignore the wanting breasts bit. Say I do not want to stop. How long before physical signs become too apparent, before need to be Paige more often? Lets be honest. Its drive again. Currently its OK, bit expensive, bit of unconfortable mental stuff but not too bad. Coping. The counselling was great for the spectrum idea but it did not really say where I am. I am not in a happy place but I could be moving to a less happy place. The assmption is that the final destination is a happy place. What if it is not. What if in getting there you do too much damage to a lot of things? Transitioning at a school, get real. IF, big IF, things get more serious, would need to find new accommodation, new job at the very least. Loads of sacrifices. Tricky one. No answers again. Diagnostic dose indeed.