Paying for company

OK lets "unpack" a visit to the Boudoir dressing service.  Why go?  Basically because I have no Tgurl friends to talk to and swap experience to learn from.  Sad but true. It would have been the 6th visit.  For the last 5 I have wondered if I would return and have.  Finally did the going there dressed but not by tube.  Its £180, a lot but not too much.  Its something to look forward to in the cold dark months with limited dressing opportunities and that is worth a lot believe me.  I got the 20% off voucher for Trendco, got the choice of wig, got experience of MAC StudioSculpt concealer, may be a good thing.  Even more imprtantly calmed me down and said I was doing OK,could go out.  Will I go again?  Keep meaning to go else where.  Jodie can be a bit "perfunctuary" and going throught the motions, a second opinion would be good.  We shall see.  Ideally I would like to think I had outgrown them and developed more as a tgurl.

From Chuck Yeager to Alan Shepard

Last year I went to london and the Boudoir.  The plan was to go dressed.  9.30am there I was, dressed, madeup, the plan was to return in boy mode so had plastic bag with stuff, bag broke, gave me the excuse to abort it.  Probably having to do the tube frightened me too much.  This year diffeent room same plan.  Modification take a taxi, Jodie at new place closer.  Been out in Brighton so bit better.   Dressed, madeup, packed then... Phoned for a taxi.  Waited outside at 9.50am.  Taxi arrives 5 mins later.  Takes 10 mins.  Drops me outside Bethnal Green tube £12.  Walk around Bethnal Green ,  sit in park, people pass me I pass them.  At 1045 arrive at Boudoir.  OK she says "your are early, not ready yet"  but knocked on door dressed in lycra leggings, M and S Covent Garden top, flat shoes and little scarf.  Out in the world for say 35 mins, dressed, alone.  No sweat.  OK did not then go to Trendco dressed which would have involved the tube.  Oh yes, I took a "I was there" pic too. 

Atale of 2 tall girls

Last April I was in Brighton and saw a girl as tall as me.  Skinny jeans with a lot smaller girl, brown hair.  It was quite a shock and had to spend money in MAC to recover.  So that is what , at some very best, I could hope to look like.  Not a good moment I must say.  Rather a dent in my confidence.  Anway, fast forward to March 2011.  Durham.  Saw a really tall girl.  German ot Dutch or scandenavian.  Flip flops, small shorts, tee shirt, hair scrunched up.  Even taller.  Eventually got up to her in passing in the street, I only went up to her shoulder.  Now for the good bit.  Nobody took any notice of her, nobody pointed or even waited till she passed to stare at her.  So you could be that tall and ignored.  OK she looked as she was total girlbut still better news.  OK may not pass but nobody may care.  Like to beleive that one.

Treading Water

Had a couple of chances to dress since back.  One with makeup and pics one a bit sudden, no or very little makeup mostly trying to sort out lighting for pics.  The lycra leggings still really work well. Pics not really upto it.  Looking as if to take the pics to next level some big work is required. The pics showed old me again, not due totally to direct flash!  Still get thoughts of deleting Flickr account and am I too old.  Get the big "will it pass?" thought.   The hunt for a new camera goes on too.Assuming still sticking with Sony unless spend £500 plus all of them have flaws. One to ponder on.  Suspect will probably wait for new model to come out, possibly the 560, mif it ever appears!

Better to travel hopefully..

Well, that was the week that was! Saturday to tuesday morning alone as Paige.  Wednesday till saturday in brighton.  Too much too concentrated of course.  Lots of plannning, charging batteries and expectation.  So spent sunday and monday taking pics, getting the wireless flash system running and just doing it.  Should be enough pics for a couple of months.  Brihgton, well much expectation and hope and belief.  The result was on the whole positive.  Dressed all 3 days, out in Legends twice, sexual meet but not anal but BDSM, yay!  Ideally wuld have gone out during the day but must have logged a good few hours as Paige.  OK Legends was a safe area but sadly not chatted up.  Met B*******S****, lets be polite, ditsy.  Shopped for an outfit, got a nice outfit. Shopping at MAC.  Standing outside Gulivers , dressed, waiting for my date with a bottle of wine.  Worth a lot. Back to reality.  learnt a bit about makeup, taking pics and BDSM.  Sadly do look older, oh dear.  8/10

I am writing this wearing leggings, a denim skirt, bra, breastforms, nailand toe varnish.  On the downside I am also wearing a fleece and have removed my wig.   I have shaved most of my body.  How do I feel?  Well nothing, or else normal.  I do not think "what am i doing this is wrong" or get sexually aroused by it all. This is how it should be.  Earlier at 9.05 am I was in Mataland and bought , well nothing, OK my nerve may well have gone but there was nothing there I really wanted.  Nothing that was me.  another good sign, I prefer to believe.  Or a really bad sign that I am truely transgendered and will have to take this further and this will require significant lifestyle changes.

It was not meant to be this way

I have just posted a comment of Flickr on a pic for a tgurl who I really admire.  Chic, great clothes, good makeup skills, living the life lots of outside pics with other people.  Basically looks like an attractive girl enjoying life. Very aspirational.  This led me to think about my Flickr stream.  Oh dear, I look like an old tart, too much skin, lingerie, heels, inappropiate clothes.  Actually this is not too bad in the scheme of things.  There are no pics of my genitalia or "gaping bottom" shots at the extreme end.  Moving up the scale I am clean shaven, fairly thin and not an hairy panty wearer. I make an effort, use MAC cosmetics, expensive, wear a wig but still bit of a slapper.  I have no illusions.  If I had the money, opportunity and damn luck I would be different but the question is "how much can I change?"  Perhaps it is time to change from chasing Flickr hits to something else.