It is nearly the end of May and there has been no dressing of note for some time. It is very psychologically stressful to dress at home, not quite sure when that started but it is. There are also very clear psychological benefits so it is a good thing to do. I am beginning to suspect that the Support Group just being dressed was of more value than I realised at the time.
There was a vague nebulous idea of spending a few days away, even dressing away, this now seems unlikely.
When I get back to work goingtohave to sort out holidays. Then can book a holiday away. Yes probably Brighton.
Wednesday, 25 May 2016
Sunday, 24 April 2016
Well That Was Not Bad At All
Managed to finally do some pics and actually dress. The makeup went on quite quickly and easily, managed to find most of the clothes I was looking for and stopped at a time whick felt right. So all in all it went as well as can be expected. A first look at the pics and enough were OK. Need to really dress more it does calm me down. Been a few twinges with women wearing flats. If I had the time and space I could get proper backgrounds and up the quality of the pics, add a second flash unit and the pics would be better.
Starting to think about the holidays. The thyroid sadly came too late for ideal left alone for 3 weeks but even so it should be enough. The holiday is not going to be during Transpride Brighton, which I am curiously unworried about as last year it was well, underwealming, not sure what I expected but possibly the picnic on the beach would have been fun if it had not been terrential rain. The return visit to the Transister venue was interesting but while it did emphasise how far I had travelled it also showed how far yet to go too.
Starting to think about the holidays. The thyroid sadly came too late for ideal left alone for 3 weeks but even so it should be enough. The holiday is not going to be during Transpride Brighton, which I am curiously unworried about as last year it was well, underwealming, not sure what I expected but possibly the picnic on the beach would have been fun if it had not been terrential rain. The return visit to the Transister venue was interesting but while it did emphasise how far I had travelled it also showed how far yet to go too.
Saturday, 2 April 2016
Pilates result
Shaved my legs today, feel it even now, lovely. The point is for the last 2 weeks I have been doing a lot of pilates leg work mostly and after the deforestation looked in the mirror and saw that it was good. Not a massive difference but ertainly more toned and a better look. We shall have to see whether it continues. The abdomen looks better too, sadly there is still weight to lose but that may have to wait till the thyroid is resolved. All in allits good news. Soon will be wearing shorst running so will get a slight tan too which will help. If the neice does goes sunday after next then there might, just might, be the possibility of some new pics. Came within a whisker of liberating the other flash yesterday, might yet happen. Be good to just dress yet alone really go for it.
Put in a bid for some stripper sandals from A~~~~~~ studio which got trashed by the flood. Would have liked the white booties which a rather wonderful gurl wore for some pics which left quite an impression but where probably too small. Where they would be sent to if I were to win then is anybodies quess but even so its an idea.
Moving on there is the question regarding holiday 2016. I keep going back to the bendy bus going back to Falmer, not uncomfortable but even so something awry. Its cheap and cheerful, there is the walk a lot does still work. Its a tricky one.
Put in a bid for some stripper sandals from A~~~~~~ studio which got trashed by the flood. Would have liked the white booties which a rather wonderful gurl wore for some pics which left quite an impression but where probably too small. Where they would be sent to if I were to win then is anybodies quess but even so its an idea.
Moving on there is the question regarding holiday 2016. I keep going back to the bendy bus going back to Falmer, not uncomfortable but even so something awry. Its cheap and cheerful, there is the walk a lot does still work. Its a tricky one.
Friday, 25 March 2016
Trying Ones Best
OK lets take a load of pics, dressed, say 200plus, out of that number ignoring duplicates, technically unacceptable pics and ones with clothes or wig out of place there are a worrying few. These pics taken wehn dashing in heels to pose or when counted number of shots wrong can show a not very flattering image which is unmistakably masculine. So side on my ribcage is too large or my chin ios too big or hands too large, well these pics will never make it to Photoshop.
Last summer tried twice to run dressed, the first time was dreadful, wig lets not go there, makeup a mess, sports top didnot contain the breast forms. Thesecond time learnt from these mistakes. Then when on SDW a woman looking for her mobile phone saw me in the distance and said I was a man. The ultimate point is even if I got a voice spot on, smaller hands and lost 8 inchs off my height I would still not pass. Not that ultimately that matters. This line of thought was started by seeing a gurl who I admire and who has done more than most to be feminine in a picture doing a run it was not close up and the big shoulders showed, it was a it depressing but we do our best. We do not pass but we try our best.
Last summer tried twice to run dressed, the first time was dreadful, wig lets not go there, makeup a mess, sports top didnot contain the breast forms. Thesecond time learnt from these mistakes. Then when on SDW a woman looking for her mobile phone saw me in the distance and said I was a man. The ultimate point is even if I got a voice spot on, smaller hands and lost 8 inchs off my height I would still not pass. Not that ultimately that matters. This line of thought was started by seeing a gurl who I admire and who has done more than most to be feminine in a picture doing a run it was not close up and the big shoulders showed, it was a it depressing but we do our best. We do not pass but we try our best.
Sunday, 20 March 2016
New Pics but old issues
Managed some pics today, not sure how long I would have and that took the shine off it. All in all it was a very stressful event and the pics initially looked OK. Bit of lens flare but OK. Sadly after converting them to .DNG and more examination they were a mix of out of focus and over exposed. Will be able to salvage some but yet again creeping disappointment again. The lens flare not sure why that happens it just seemed to appear several years ago. The focus issue comes and goes. The main problem is I need time to resolve these issues and get the new flash up and running consistantly. The second issue is the closeness and the area of the space where I can take pics. If I know I have time then can put up the parachute material and bounce flash. I could get a proper frame and background for about £30 to £40 and if was alone or had a whole week would try it. Having said all that the pics can be technically quite good sometimes just not enough.
The eyes look old and the mouth creases too, its all so very frustrating. Suppose in a way do feel better but yes well know where that one goes.
The new red Katmandu corset worked well and 26 inch was pretty well spot on, take that grumpy grey haired woman shop assistant. Was it worth £40, well possibly but do need to try the other corset too.
The eyes look old and the mouth creases too, its all so very frustrating. Suppose in a way do feel better but yes well know where that one goes.
The new red Katmandu corset worked well and 26 inch was pretty well spot on, take that grumpy grey haired woman shop assistant. Was it worth £40, well possibly but do need to try the other corset too.
Sunday, 13 March 2016
Back Again
Well the pic fest did not happen, again, again. Before I went to Manchester on the saturday hjitKatmandu, been told they were closing down. Scored 2 half price corsets, £40. One is a proper corset and the other wil be fine for pics, ideally would have gone a size up but will do for picsand possibly giving the piercer one. Some bizarre idea of a burlesque act which the pseudo corset will do fine for. Also got an active wear top and leggings which need trying on properly. To complete this got a £27 MAC foundation brush. Not totally sure why. Also have 2 American Apparel leotards on the way from Ebay, £20. Then again there is a MTP tank boiler suit which may be useful for pics.
There is a sense that not getting the time to dress and when do do not. Lets blame the thyroid. If it does get nuked half wondering about a few days away, if can afford it.
There is a sense that not getting the time to dress and when do do not. Lets blame the thyroid. If it does get nuked half wondering about a few days away, if can afford it.
Friday, 26 February 2016
Well that went well
It isfriday night and I have been back 2 days. went away sunday and back wednesday. Manchester isindeed a nice distance away, not too far for it to be an awful journey and some nice scenaery toboot on the journey. Think we will pass over carrying too much as it appeared I did not but lets have a first post match interview. It feels good, surprisingly good. I had probably wisely dampened down expectations but it exceeded them. The jeggings did the trick and the boots were very good, granted toes a bit off but not too much. Again, ideally the Goretex would hav ebeen replaced for something else and this remains an ongoing issue. Then there is the issue of the voice, I do try but really need to bite the bullet and DO SOMETHING about it. Shaving was a pain especially as the shaver chose that minute to die, makeup seemed to be OK if a bit much powder. Still not geting out till 10.10.15 which is not ideal really. It all went well, there was no major staring or Starbucks moments, OK got "mated" but that I prefer to believe was not badly meant. Food went well, cut down on the drink which was good. Slept better, it was a good quiet room. The knees were fine.
Now to the meat. The gurl was just there, simple as that. Put the maekup on, put the clothes on, packed the bag and bang do it. No doubt, no fear it was just there. Granted the contact lenses make everything so much more immediate and the thyroid makes me anxious but there were times, sitting in Starbucks with a coffee, walking back to the room with bags when it just WAS. Partly I was a gurl with a plan, a Pevsner in the bag and a license to shoot pics so I was on the go or at least when I wanted to be. The new phone with Internet and camera helped too. On the last day had a "oh no tomorrow back to normal moment" which was a shock. The lingerie pics in the room went well, surprisingly well. Everybody was so polite, I smiled more and I prefer to believe, was a nicer person. Possibly more approciable. May have been people over compensating but even so. The train journeys were just train journeys, last time Liverpool was the moonshot, not now. It would have been nice to have met someone and chatted but that did not happen, sadly. Could hav ehandled another day but there we are. There is a possibility of being off for a few weeks in a couple of months, may be something there to investigate.
Now to the meat. The gurl was just there, simple as that. Put the maekup on, put the clothes on, packed the bag and bang do it. No doubt, no fear it was just there. Granted the contact lenses make everything so much more immediate and the thyroid makes me anxious but there were times, sitting in Starbucks with a coffee, walking back to the room with bags when it just WAS. Partly I was a gurl with a plan, a Pevsner in the bag and a license to shoot pics so I was on the go or at least when I wanted to be. The new phone with Internet and camera helped too. On the last day had a "oh no tomorrow back to normal moment" which was a shock. The lingerie pics in the room went well, surprisingly well. Everybody was so polite, I smiled more and I prefer to believe, was a nicer person. Possibly more approciable. May have been people over compensating but even so. The train journeys were just train journeys, last time Liverpool was the moonshot, not now. It would have been nice to have met someone and chatted but that did not happen, sadly. Could hav ehandled another day but there we are. There is a possibility of being off for a few weeks in a couple of months, may be something there to investigate.
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