Remimberance Bump

Even now at 50 plus there are still non sexual things which have a slightly erotic charge, not I hasten to say , in a fetisthistic way. Primarily in them is old railway carriage, this is an easy one. Back in the very late 1970's or even as late as 1981 Mayfair had a photspread of a woman in Victorian clothing stripping off in a Victorian, posibly, train. It was the Xmas issue where they would push the bost out a bit and there would typically be one such set of time past set in appropiate surroundings which must have been quite expensive but then Mayfair did attempt to go for the executive look.  The girls were always secretaries, dental assistants or vets assistants. The pics were reasonably nicely done and there would be beaches and air stewardesses. Provided you could buy into porn being acceptable, and I did and still do, then it pretty well worked. The girls were always, "nice" the stories not especially explicit and the adverts surprisingly upmarket, the Commodore C64 was in one year!
Razle started to appear in the middle 1980's and was very down market but even this now has a certain charm I suppsoe. Several years ago stubled across a site where someone had scanned in a surprisingly large number of top shelf magazines from the 70's and ealy 1980's. It was like steping back in time and I am not sure what lessons can be gleaned from them. The point here is to what extent the female me has had her psyche moulded by these pics, if at all. So the pics of me in stockings and suspenders etc may well have some slight resonances to a dental hygenist from Epsom who is happiest with her great Dane.
I was watching a DVD of Bulman, 1985, detective show, meant for 9 pm, mild peril. Well a section was set in a strip club. The Sweeney would probably have had a stripper showing her breasts, Minder certainly did, but there was not, the stripper showed very little skin. However at the end of scene for no plot related reason the woman Bulman is talking to takes off her gown and shows her breasts for several seconds and then walks out, its for comic effect as a punch line to a joke. It was unnecessary and I felt mildly unconfortable with it.
There was a photoset of a nice blond in an Andy Pandy type jump suit with a zio which went to the crotch, which set my nerves jangling. Sheena Easton in the videl 9 to 5 wears such a jump suit. When at day 2, possibly at Sussex getting my paperwork and grand sorted, loads of standing around in queues there was an admin woman who wore a jumpsuit and stilletoes. ITs a great look in my opinion and I was left thinking I was along way from Kansas Toto. Certainly Sunderland did not have women wearing such things.

Feeling A Little Better

In theory today and yesterday was going to be a dressing fest. However went to Newcastle on saturday and to be fair got some stockings, wetlook gloves, black lipstick and fake blood. The last 2 were for a Hallowean set I had hopes for. Saturday I was in bed by 9. Sunday, woke up cold and ended up putting the radiators on for an hour. Did a bit of dressing and it became apparent makeup would be required so put some on quickly. Then some pics were required and so ended up using the fake bllod which went all over the place and took some time to wash out and the black lipstick. Pleasantly surprised by the stretchy LBD which is as well as the focus was off on some. Had intended to use the proper flash units but didnot set them up, they need a bit of space. So, on the whole, feel better. It was not such a batlle today as set the sights reasonably low but still its a traumatic visit to the core of my ego. The Ann Summers holdups kept falling down. In theory would get a new camera or atleast a new flash but will wait on that one. Part of the problem is that donot really have much nw looks to do so it is a bit of a repeat. The batteries started to fail but the fake blood would have made changing them too much work so stayed with them. Not ideal but OK.
There was the possibility of going down to Manchester sometime and meeting a Tgurl and her boyfriend for some pics sometime. It might still happen but there is a sense it equally might not so we shall se on that one.Autumn 2016 will not happen, neither did Autumn 2015. Might get a couple of days dressing in though probably not. Still to do the police/SWAT look but got the euipment now, ideally a bullet belt too but it would have to be the right price.

Footprint In The Sand

A coupleof days ago I was stopping at a rounda abour at my home town and I looked up and realising where I was thought "There used to be a Tgirl shop or something around here." Well possibly. In summer/autumn 2007 what with the girl suddenly emerging I started looking on the Interne for resources. It was my second trip to Lacies during the holiday where I bought a wig, hair was too long but colour was OK and it was totally necessary for the look. Without the wig the effectis so much lesshave mentioned this before. I can remember looking down and seeing shoes with stiletto heels, really wanted to buy them but foolishly reckoned could not afford them, even though had a credit card. This mistake I was to deeply regret for several months wearing flat male shoes which just might look femme or no shoes at all with the "bridal" white stockings from the wire bin in the shop. Coming back from Brighton on the pack there was a bustier, white stockings, a black mini skirt, some makeup "I can do you a makeup kit for £25" and the wig.
The Internet on a single site which looked handcoded on Notepad, had a reference to a shop in my home town, several times from a public phone box selected for maximun seclusion I tried the number. Each time with no success. Finally one time I got through and got a womans voice "ehh that shop has not been here for years." And there you have it. Then there were so few resources and so hardly known so it ia not surprising that info was out of date.  I was at a Trans party where someone mentioned a Trans shop which closed down and used to be there but was only really known by word of mouth. Suppose you need a sufficiently large population of people to keep resources going, as well as the place getting word of mouth passed around knowledge, especially preinternet. Tranny party I knew about from a small A5booklet which you could pickup from certain pubs in Brighton. I could have gone to T T party a year earlieror even Lacies a year earlier. Cetainly knew they were there and was tempted.
There was also a mention of a dressing service in Darlington. again acted as if in Soviet Bloc country and phoned up. When got through guy outlined the dressing and said "would you be wanting any other services?" It was slightly too far and that rather put me off. May have been no worse than the place at Brighton by the church but that had a website and was reccommnded. 
Once there used to be sex workers cards in phoneboxes with "imaaginitive" pics. They have gone which is probably fair as it was literally in your face and young people could see them.
Once the girl was clearly here to stay spent forever on the Internet to try to get a handle on things. To an extent ended up putting my life on hold while changed direction. How much harder would things have been if the Internet had not been there? Exchange and Mart and "Transformations, oh dear, notgood at all.

The Girl Nods In

Last wednesday I was at work, after lunch not really thinking about anything, glasses off. Then a girl walks out of the room with black leggings on , which she should NOT be wearing. The point is even though the girl was wildly different from me I really yearned to wear leggings and flat shoes. The strength of this emotion lasted several minutes and caught me completely by surprise.
Mat be dressing tomorrow and pics, be nice.

False Start

Found on a CD from 2002 a folder of pics of me from 2002 What is interesting is its from my "working through" period so there are pics of me unclothed, even some of me wearing stockings, suspenders and sort of heels. The pics were taken with a compact digital camera of reasonable quality but underexposed and out of focus, not badly but bad enough. The first thing to say is I was 12 st 3/4 and it sort of shows, the second thing is body hair, I had forgotten how much body hair I had, its in a rather lovely auburn colour mostly so its not all bad but even so the body looked wrong. The skin looked better it has to be said and the face younger and the hair solid auburn. I was not and even now do not really know the motivation behind these pics but the more Trans ones are interesting. If it had started in 2002/3 say was already spending time in Brighton, well it could have been rather better. Could have found Lacies on the Internet, possibly Doreens in London, then well things could hav started earlier. Certainly knew about "Tranny party" and Lacies in 2006 and nearly went then. Possibly even 2005.
Thinking about where stayed this year during the summer. If was less tired and more brave there could have been some very good pics taken.  As it was it had a certain Amytville element to it!

Here To Stay

Posted comment which thought was genuinely valid and got quite a nasty response on Flickr. Of course thats the problem with the Internet you are dealing with a wide variety of people with different values and opinions. Still slightly unsettling. Lets move on.
What I did notice about the Flickr pic stream is that how old a lot of them are, they are good pics, quality clothing and poses all together a nice solid pics. What is surprising is that they are of the quality they are so soon after starting so by 2010 2-3 years into the project the makeup is decent, the wig fine and the technical quality of the pics acceptable.Just checked the external HDD by end of 2008 producing acceptable pics. So in 2007 it was Lacies in Feb 2008 The Boudoir. There were 2 visits to Doreens and several visits to the Boudoir. So by 2009 it was Transister. That would be Clare Project too. Actually out of the door in day time would be 2012. The point here is that the girl is coming up to being 10, there used to be a concern that this aspect of my life or psyche would wither away with time, well clearly that was not the case.

Bit Of Filler

Managed a bit of dressing last sunday and some, not many pics. Used the new wig which was a significant success, its lighter in weight and a bit tight at the moment but that will pass. Very pleasantly surprised by it must say. The pics were OK but still need to lose abit of weight, say half a stone ideally. It may be due to the thyroid but I suspect not. There was the usual battleabout finding stockings and panties and it was a bit of a compromise but it seems I never learn. Got a bit further with the SWAT routine, sadly the helmet arrived a day later but even so learned a lot for the real shoot when it finally happens. Ideally like a bullet belt but that seems a bit too expensive for the moment.  There has been precious little dressing since Xmas and it does hurt a bit. The holidays do help and I am wondering about autumn 2016. probably Manchester but tempted by Leeds.
Looking back at Brighton 2016 I am pushed to remember any standout moments, not sure why and will be revisiting it for I am sure they are there. I had damped down expectations so not really surprised.