Been a relatively dry spell for Paige. Nothing over the weekend and support group not on. Only found out when got there so had a large white wine at Wetherspoons, a small white wine at Fitzgeralds and 3 single gins at home. Say 7 units. Bit worrying really do need to curb it. Weight is off too. The diet is just not happening at all. Thats not good either. There is some sign of growth with the breasts again. Quite pleased with that but still no idea wher going with it. Tonight was messy, didnot settle, stopped pilates early, everything was slightly off. Then did a bit of qick dressing. Had a warm sensation on stomach. When first started would get like a cold water feeling in stomach which was nice and meant something important. Have difficultyt remembering those early days with no heels or proper breast forms, too long wig. Makeup skills not good either. Of course the face was younger but probably weighed more then. At the time the thought of ever going out dressede seemed impossible. Precontact lenses too. Shaving in bath with butterball.
Tonight my hands looked old and soo big. My back arched too much and the ribcage was too large as well. At first it looked very bad. Then it seemed to settle down and I looked OK. Granted a shave and makeup would so help. There was a sense that need to dress and do it to feel it almost. That you needed to feel comfortable with the look, accept you will never pass but get on with it. Need to think a bit more about that but something there definately.
No comments:
Post a Comment