Another curious one. Last night at 5.30 pm I was left to myself with the possibility of being alone till the next dat , afternoon. I did dress; long knitted top, denin skirt, thick leggings and boots but switched to flats. No makeup and no pics. Sat on the floor till early hours watching YouTube, drinking and going to the toilet. Now the point is why no makeup and pics/ contact lenses? I do not know. All along I felt I should be but did not. It's too cold, feel tired, peeing badly, did not happen. However it was a good night. The words nourishing leapt to mind. I suspect there is still the sense of worry of being caught but something more. There would appear to be a paradox that the estrofem does reduce the need to dress.
Deep down of course is the concern I am not TS or TV but some transient condition which as stopped or at least ebbing. Do not believe that as I am 6 years old but there it comes. You do a blog, have a few drinks and then , as if by magic, the subconscious bubbles up an idea. I sit there, wig, dressed, heels or flats and its "so what?" Of course it is so what I am being natural true to myself. The bra bites and the breast forms are a pain and the boots are tight but there is no inherent what am I doing, what am I wearing? Perhaps that is the bottom line.
In 17n daysI wil go through a long train tunnel, over a viaduct and some very Jane Austen scenery, pass Preston Park and a buzzer will sound and I will hit Brighton station platform. I will be sweaty, hacked off, tired and moving toward the ticket barriers at speed. The odds are I will not be dressed or in make up.
No comments:
Post a Comment