Flash, Bang Wallop.

Saw an advert mentioning Trans Pride Brighton 2016. To be honest when last year made a big push to get holidays off and go to the weekend, it was underwhelming. Granted the picnic on the beach on sunday was rained off, and how. The disco on the evening a the same place as Transister had a certain value as a historical reminder but it was the march and the main event which was most disappointing. Did not know really what to expect and did not know anyone. Wandered around the stalls and returned slightly later for the music briefly. Not sure how could have cracked that nut but when I found that would miss this years event was not too sad. Gay Pride Brighton the week after was like Mardi Gras but again sensed being by myself was not good. Both events seemed to be a more yoing persons event and a trifle cliquey. I imagine for less socially condfident both events were very valuable but perhaps like the original Transister event I should have made more effort to socialise or find people to go with. Perhaps I am just getting old and grumpy!
Yesterday booked 2 nights at East Croydon Preier Inn. Came close to 3 nights but would have cost £200 which felt too much. As it was came to all in say, £130. Sent Flickrmail to se if pics can be taken. Whilst there are good fun reasons to spend 2 nights in East Croydon, not least of which was the thought of being spared a horrible long journey down, should be able to do it in 40 mins now. None the less there is a sense I am paying rather a lot of money for getting some pics taken.  This is not true but it does linger.
The whole holiday feels distinctly underwhelming still. Only 1 half day of term left, result, but the whole thing feels flat. Then 3 weeks of non term time and off for 2 weeks, need it badly.

Good Enough I Suppose

Yesterday lying in new sleeping bag did the daily check on Booking.com for accommodation in Brighton. Last room in Gullivers, £500. Hummed and harred but with no fee cancellation pressed the button. Then no sense of elation or relief. Few hours later still the same. Put in an application for 8 days at the Park houses in Sussex. There is the photographer thing swirling about which may or may not happen but there is a sort of fugue about the whole business. Want  aholiday and have some money saved up  but its not enough for a really good room in Brighton, would need say £700 plus. And there you have it really. What with the thyroid do not feel up to dropping so much on a holiday this year and certainly not for Brighton. If Swanborough  had been possible it would have been so much easier or perhaps it would have dredged up other issues. So if Sussex say yes will cancel Gullivers, if they say no, well we will have to think.
Its all a battle, packing the pack, carrying it, changing trains, feel tired. However the girl is really crying out for some quality time and she deserves it. The university has a canteen, sorry refrectory which really helps. Could do without the whole student thing and some bad memories there. The bottom line is really should have moved on and if had a better salary would have. Swanborough and, lets be honest Pheonix, would be good enough and Pheonix was, good enough but could not go to that laundry room again.

What The Doctor Ordered

Last night out of nowhere it became apparent I would get a solid dressing opportunity today. Started at 10.05, showered and did a mass deforestation of hair which made me feel better. What with one thing and another only really got in front of the camera by 12.15.  It was the nurses uniforms and at 1 45 accidently pressed the wrong button on the Intervalometer so it would have taken too much work to set it again and called it a day. The pics are surprisingly good, impressedwith the wig and exposure but the face looks old and the extra weight shows. However have new pics to post so its all good. There might be an opportunity on tuesday to do more, we shall see.
The holiday rumbles on, the gurl really needs it but its been complicated by the first choice room not being available. No en suite shower and toilet is it a compromise too far?If not would be able to stay for more days but not in Brighton and do enjoy wandering about at night in Brighton. Yet the cost of a really nice place would be significantly more and a shorter stay. Would really like a day in London, do What Katie Did etc.
The dressing, as ever, calmed me down. If I was not to transition or even go full time it would be nice to dress more often. It may even be psychologically necessary for my wellbeing. Scary stuff but possibly true.

Quick In and Out

Managed a quick bitof dressing, no makeup or contact lenses but even so. The plan was to see how the nurses stuff looked with a possible set of pics tomorrow Yes well. That actually went surprisingly well and had a play with the Honour bodysuit Makeup does make such a difference and stopped too early but even so it did seem to make me feel better Whether tomorrow happens remains to be seen. There is stuff in bags and boxes allaround so getting a look together is a bit of a battle and tires you out There you have it really.  If I had a boudoir, makeup mirror, walk in wardrobe it would be so easy and calm, also if just left to myself it would reduce so much grief and stress.
In a hotel roo it is the bahroom, water on the floor, noise from fluorescent lights, not ideal smells, possibly not a good mirror too. Then tiding up before the hote staff come in it s a miracle I ever get out at all!
Going to get contact lens checkup today. If not for the gurl would not have used them but there we are. Suppose that is a good thing. The burlesque dancedid not happen sadly, £15 on a feather boa hopefully useful for later.When I started I looked surprisingly young, not really so much now sadly.  I have put weight on, definitely can pinch an inch at the sides, need to get rid of it Am doing more running again so that should help.

Nothing Really To Report

It is nearly the end of May and there has been no dressing of note for some time. It is very psychologically stressful to dress at home, not quite sure when that started but it is. There are also very clear psychological benefits so it is a good thing to do. I am beginning to suspect that the Support Group just being dressed was of more value than I realised at the time.
There was a vague nebulous idea of spending a few days away, even dressing away, this now seems unlikely.
When I get back to work goingtohave to sort out holidays. Then can book a holiday away. Yes probably Brighton.

Well That Was Not Bad At All

Managed to finally do some pics and actually dress. The makeup went on quite quickly and easily, managed to find most of the clothes I was looking for and stopped at a time whick felt right. So all in all it went as well as can be expected. A first look at the pics and enough were OK. Need to really dress more it does calm me down. Been a few twinges with women wearing flats. If I had the time and space I could get proper backgrounds and up the quality of the pics, add a second flash unit and the pics would be better.
Starting to think about the holidays. The thyroid sadly came too late for ideal left alone for 3 weeks but even so it should be enough. The holiday is not going to be during Transpride Brighton, which I am curiously unworried about as last year it was well, underwealming, not sure what I expected but possibly the picnic on the beach would have been fun if  it had not been terrential rain. The return visit to the Transister venue was interesting but while it did emphasise how far I had travelled it also showed how far yet to go too.

Pilates result

Shaved my legs today, feel it even now, lovely. The point is for the last 2 weeks I have been doing a lot of pilates leg work mostly and after the deforestation looked in the mirror and saw that it was good. Not a massive difference but ertainly more toned and a better look. We shall have to see whether it continues.  The abdomen looks better too, sadly there is still weight to lose but that may have to wait till the thyroid is resolved. All in allits good news. Soon will  be wearing shorst running so will get a slight tan too which will help. If the neice does goes sunday after next then there might, just might, be the possibility of some new pics. Came within a whisker of liberating the other flash yesterday, might yet happen. Be good to just dress yet alone really go for it.
Put in a bid for some stripper sandals from A~~~~~~ studio which got trashed by the flood. Would have liked the white booties which a rather wonderful gurl wore for some pics which left quite an impression but where probably too small. Where they would be sent to if I were to win then is anybodies quess but even so its an idea.
Moving on there is the question regarding holiday 2016. I keep going back to the bendy bus going back to Falmer, not uncomfortable but even so something awry.  Its cheap and cheerful, there is the walk a lot does still work. Its a tricky one.