Probably the best a girl can get

Managed to make the support group last night.  In many ways it is like a snug in a pub; we talk about cars, planes, tell jokes and watch youtube it can be quite a pleasant evening if it were in a pub.  The point is we are all dressed en femme but it is not a female atmosphere.  I did have a hope it would be full of cosmetic tips, fashion advice and other such vital information. This was probably an error on my part for now I suspect support groups are a group of people, a person with some training and ability to access further support, if required.  None of our small group seem to be in distress or uncomfortable about being trans either, which is good. It is a good question as to what I get from the group, or contribute, but it seems to help.
Summer 2014 is going to be a compromise again.  Last year was supposed to be the gold standard but,its fair to say now, was badly let down by the accommodation.  Do need a good nights sleep, in a real sense the rest is secondary, warm, shower, place to put makeupon, ideally a full length mirror.  Sitting in legends bar, drinking white wine spritzers and being ignored, Ok but not paying that much money for.  So, hopefully, it will be U of Brighton thursday to tuesday, pack and Sussex University tuesday till saturday.  Chance to do some good runs; the Brighton rottingdean path springs to mind and Stanmer park. 
A total stonker success accommodation would probably be Premier Inn but that would be too expensive.

Back in the saddle

Got the chance to dress today, not too often at the moment, and had decided against taking pics.  Put on makeup, tried Kryolan plastic putty for eyebrows, not a success but see how it could be.  Took it off and used Kryolan stick for foundation.  When first started this was used a lot, only later switched to liquid The TV stick is said to be good for photos or TV, hence the name and it has a high coverage. In the real world it looks too obviously made up and is a pain to remove.  Having said that did get the feeling that some of the older pics I looked younger could be partly down to the use of kryolan stick. 
Get the feeling a couple of times, not shaking but certainly something.  Have not had the cold water instomach for some time, say a few years.

Been off the hormones, not a large dose anyway for over a week.  Morning erections are back, orgasms different, stronger and erections more solid.  Its not good but could be worse.  Possibly urine smells different.  waiting for hair to be more greasy again.  It is probably fair to say that the estrofem kept the girl in check to an extent. 

The am of doing a run en femme meant getting female running equipment and then possibly doing the walk en femme has consolided this.  The foreign woman I saw in York cathedral has become a role model possibly for me. Needs a bit of work but could be the way to go.

A Place by the sea

Tin hats on people, talk about summer 2014. Bought ticket down for £15 for tuesday.  Well after a phonecall which probably blew out location 1 for tuesday to thursday, went on line to get tickets forthursday.  The eastcoast website was v v v v v v v very slow so tried the Grand Central.  £70 got a ticket down and back, back first class.  The first class may be slightly watered down but cheaper than East Coast. There is also that advantage that the train goes from Sunderland direct to Kings Cross so no changing at Newcastle.  Also no horrible on the way back putting the pack on at the sight of the houses before the bridge and spending x minutes waiting at the bridge staring at the Tyne.  Hate that bit.  Yet always have had to do it, if only as a novelty will not have to do it this time.
The where to stay is still a battle.  Thursday till saturday morning so 9 evenings, 8 days, say 7 as got walk but possible plan over that  Possibly even 6 days if people come down.  Six Sapphire days, its not enough but what to do in those 6 days?  There is Pride which could be interesting, could be very good or a bit of a squib.
Just reread some entries from 2012, the sense of wanting to meet others is very strong but how? 

Here we go again

For the third time I have to stop the estrofem.  The IBS and the overactive bladder dictate it.  IBS can be caused by hormones so will stop for a couple of weeks and see if there is any improvement.  Then there is the eating, been eating so much, The hope is it will help with at least 1 of these. Only at 1 tablet of 2mg per day so it should not kick in so much.  They may be due to other issues possibly in which case will return to the estrofem.  Its not good really.
The eating may be the result of the running, the overactive bladder, if anything, should be ameliarated by the estrofem and the IBS may be due to the so called "fat busters" with the chillis.
The nipples are larger and more sensitive, there is some growth of breast tissue.  Lets see how long it takes for the erections to return, the hair to become greasy and what happens to the girl inside.

Walk Like an Eqyptian

Did a proper open to all run yesterday, 10 K round the town and the coast.  55 .04 minutes since you asked.  Quite a few young girls with running shorts or other wise tight garments.  Saw very few long legings mostly shorts. Kept wishing I was them with their hair scrunchied back .  Used to think I looked a bit girly when in male mode running.  sadly a few weeks ago caught sight of myself in a window reflection and the shoulers and torso are too big, the back too haunched and something else which just said male. The legs somehow looked slightly wrong too even though they are long and shaven. Bit of a disapointment.  There you have it really.  You do your best but its not good enough. Also wondered about doing work on voice, as ever this fails to happen. Its not enough being thinnish, putting on a wig and makeup, lets ignore lips for a moment, and hoping for the best.
What more can you do? Well putting aside SRS and hormones thats your lot really.
Gosh that was negative,came out of 2 gins and some white wine.  Again  its the do you want to be an old woman or an old man? OK the answer is I want to be happy and identiying as female in some way helps in this. Ah ha, a result there.

postings pics to Flickr etc and basking in the comments do not do it anymore.  Which is a bad place to be to be honest as it could well be the only place available to me.

Its OK but not good

I have just eaten 3 fingers of Aldi chocolate with hazel nut and a bag of crisps, earlier I had 3 Aldi chocolate swirls.  The point is I am eating more especially chocolate.  Not just after a drink either, its a concern.  getting wobbly bits again and the belt has gone down a notch.  So I am nudging 12 st again.  The new corset, lovely as it is, shows a slight muffin top.  The recent lingerie pics are OK but not up to the standard I can do when I an 11 st 4 or 7.  Cannot really explain it.  Possibly the running, or the Estrofem but its a battle and saying enough is enough and going to diet mode is going to be hard.  To be honest 12 st is not bad for me but not really good enough.

Thinking about summer holidays.  Brighton I suppose but its not a done deal.  Hate the idea of going back to university accommodation but its very cheap and handy. 

EndEx

Its friday night now. Started taking pics at 2.30 and stopped at about 5.00 pm  MoreXHamster in content some of them.  No video but can live with that.  Suspect the flash is slowly giving up.  Cannot complain really, its lasted well. Well had high hopes of these 2 days and reasonably happy with the results.Should have enough pics to last a couple of months with luck.  There's something else which I cannot totally define yet.  A sense that have touched  a bit of Paige within me.  Possibly even brought it to the surface.  Will have to think about this but was certainly interested in seeing what came out of these 2 days.  The word pottering came to mind in so far that it was not so hectic as the 4 photosessions in 3 days but hopefully better quality.
Partly its having to find stuff, put it back again, tidy up afterwards which takes the time.  When actually doing the pics can get it nailed in 12 pics or say 36.  If sort out timer and or flash even less.  There is a deeper question about the value of pics but it seems important at the moment.
As ever, its something which can only be investigated by doing and that limits it sadly.   Still do not rerally understand the actual retitence to dress but it is emotionally draining. 
Looked in the mirror and it looked and felt right, hmm.  Still  not too happy wearing a wig.  Just had a flash back wearing the first big hair wig, sitting on the carpet running hands through hair to attempt to get rid of friction fuzz, an issue with longer hair wigs.
Its been busy and quite traumatic but successful.  Feel closer to answering some questions, as ever no idea where going in the future.