Neither Dieppe or Normandy

Yesterday I woke up and thought I will stop the hormones, so I did.  Perhaps a sabatical is the correct term. IF the hair grows thicker and the erections come back and mentally it proves too much I will have to reconsider.  If furhter investigation shows taking the hormones is not the big problem I percieve, notice that word, then may restart.    Possibly the emotions will snap back and things will be OK and I can go on as before.  For the first time the aanalogy of a train passing stations has a new meaning. I have got off the train and gone back to a previously passed station.  Thats OK.  Earlier I used the not original phrase "diagnostic dose"  and now have some results to analyse and reflect on and to feedback into the course of action.    There was not a course of action for when the breasts became visible.  The idea of a train is flawed as it assumes reversability.  This need not be true.  If I restart and do it for a sufficient time testesterone production will stop and I will need HRT permantely.  If breast formation proceeded too far they would be noticed.  Both are steps which can neither be taken back or do not have significant ramifications.  There is no shame in saying these are steps too far which they may well be but so far nothing has been done to rule them out in the future.  There is wisdom in that and it accepts that mistakes can be made and there will be learning.  Nobody has said you have to go further. There is, however, the nagging feeling, that I shall be crossing thechannel and crunching up the shingle again.  There is also the very real sense that if I do there will be significant sacrifice required and it will be as well to be prepared in advance that it will not be easy.