The Fourth Picture

How much do I care?  How badly do I want to be a woman?  Ignoring for the moment the spectrum of transgender question the point is how badly do I want to change and what would I sacrifice?  looking at Flickr tonight and it almost seemed as if it were a hobby which I can take or leave, nonsense of course.  Then there are the hormones, is 2 mg just a trivial dose or will it hot the spot?  Does they keep me on an even keel able to function and damp down Sapphire while turning me into her?  Good one that!  I do not know.  
In 3 weeks should get a couple of days dressing time. We already know the answer, put me in a Premier Inn and I am out of the door dressed, wet feet, gonads shrinking, oblivious to the public.  I care that much.  What am I waiting for?  Have I reached equilibrium, there is some scary stuff about people stopping transition at 18 months of RLE. 
Its an odd blog this, lots of questions, few answers or amusing anecdotes of things I have done.  I am 50, nearly 51 bad time to transition but sense of time if not running out the best of times being in short supply.  

Already increasing sense of having wasted too much time, the thought could have had laser even 3 years ago is irratiting.